I always think it’s a shame that we’re not given a public holiday to celebrate our national saint. Although I am not religious, and therefore don’t believe in saints, I do believe in holidays… Perhaps I should give Haron a good English caning to mark the festivities. Shame she’s away.

Indeed, we could start a cycle of the saints of Great Britain: a belated caning when she gets home for St. George, then a tawsing on 30 November celebrating St. Andrew, followed presumably by a good daffodilling for St. David next 1 March.

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