The chap in front of me coming through immigration at Heathrow yesterday was wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with the slogan:

“Cane VIII 2001”

He was in the queue for British citizens, naturally.

I’m fascinated. Who are the Cane Eight? Were they wielding or receiving?

Did they perhaps compete against other nations in a Caning World Cup tournament, each country sending teams of four caners and four canees, points being awarded for style and stoicism respectively as they thrashed it out live on primetime TV to carry off the coveted Golden Rattan.

I wonder who selects the team? Abel for England?! All those training sessions would doubtless be tough, but if my country calls…

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