The Spanking Writers

Joyous celebrations after watching Liverpool’s famous FA Cup final win. You know the sort of thing: I mean, I can’t be the only fan to have tied his wife up in bed with his Liverpool scarf last night.

Can I?

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I’ve been meaning to write about a startle in a TV show a couple of weeks back, hosted by comedian Sean Locke. I scribbled his comment down, as it deserved a wider audience amongst perverts like us. Making a smacking gesture, he observed:

“I’d like to see a programme called ‘Tough Nuts’, in which you take kids with behavioural problems and fly them away to a country where you’re still allowed to give them a good clout,”

That led to a most vivid dream later that night, of a distinguished public school in some faraway outpost. Girls in blazers and straw boaters wandered across immaculately manicured lawns in blazing sunshine, whilst the continuing threat (and regular use) of the cane kept them strictly in order.

I googled the subject, as one would. Hansard column 857W, 1 February 2005, is the place to turn to satisfy your academic curiosity. ‘Mr. Dawson had asked the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs whether corporal punishment of children has been prohibited by legislation in schools in each of the UK overseas territories’. (Why on earth did he want to know?) (Hi, Mr. Dawson!).

The minister, Mr. Alexander, listed six such territories where traditional British remedies still hold sway. In Anguilla, “under the Education Act, corporal punishment is allowed in schools under controlled conditions.” In Bermuda, “there is no prohibition on corporal punishment in schools”, whilst in the British Virgin Islands, “corporal punishment can be carried out by the principal, deputy principal or by one senior teacher appointed in writing.”

The Turks and Caicos Islands permit corporal punishment in schools “provided that it is not administered in a manner which is degrading or injurious”. The Falkland Islands bans corporal punishment in public sector schools, but not in the private sector; fortunately for abolishionists, there are no private sector schools!

The Cayman Islands, though, caught my eye:

Corporal punishment is allowed by law in all public and private schools in the Cayman Islands, only where no other punishment is considered suitable or effective by the principal, and may only be administered by the principal or any teacher appointed in writing by the principal for that purpose. An entry must be made in a punishment book kept in each school.

I’m genuinely not a member of the “bring back the birch brigade”, and would happily see the relevant laws in each country changed tomorrow. I can clearly differentiate between fantasy and reality, between consent and its unacceptable absence. But this stuff is wonderful as a basis for future scenes and stories!

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We have joined a link-exchange programme called “Sugasm”. It works like this: every week participating bloggers send in a link to their best post. Then Sabrina, the girl who runs the show, separates them into categories and throws a coin to decide in which order they get posted.

And here’s the thing: every participating blogger has to repost at least the first twenty links, or, if they are feeling generous, the whole list.

And so, we give you our first Sugasm! (We haven’t made it into the upper twenty, but oh welllll.)
NSFW Pics

There Are Some Things Out There… (pornster.blogspot.com)
Angelique and Ivonne on Sapphic Erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com)
Lea in Lacey Blue by Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com)
Two Galleries of Rookie Babe Hottie Mia (sensualarousalblog.com)
A Red-headed Peach (internetisforporn.com)
HNT: Two for the Price of One (seanandmel.blogspot.com)
Abby Winters: Diana and Fuji (ethnorotica.com)
Exclusive - Justine Joli, Panties (tgp.com)

Funny

No Matter Who They Are… (janeluvsdick.com)
Conversation with the Lead Burly Dude (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

Thoughts on Sex

Festering Degenerates (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
Can Someone Be Cheerful and Sexy at the Same Time? (seska4lovers.com)
A Typical Spanking Model? (adelehaze.com)
Actions and Reactions (aliferestarted.blogspot.com)
A Solo Career (gentlebutfirm.blogspot.com)
Not What It Appears To Be (damnjezebel.com)
Hair (gentlygently.blogspot.com)
I Just Wanna Make Love To You - or, American Closet Mystics (Re)Unite! (totalsensuality.blogspot.com)
A Sticky Situation (wanklog.blogspot.com)
Diddling for Dollars (herknees.com)

More Sugasm…
Join the Sugasm

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Bangkok has never been one of my favourite cities. I might have to reconsider after reading an article titled “Skin-tight & sexy” from yesterday’s The Nation newspaper:

Every year they’re warned and every year they disregard the warning. Students just want their uniforms. Flashy, skin-tight uniforms are the latest rage for female university students… But as both sexes prepare for the beginning of the new semester next month, university administrators are updating their dress codes and reminding students they will also be graded on their attire.

According to Surachai Charudej, director of Kasetsart University’s Student Affairs Department, offenders will be banned from lecture halls and will lose marks.

So far students are ignoring the warnings.

I so like the idea of uniform inspections impacting University students’ grades…

Apparently, street vendors across Bangkok are benefiting from the trend:

As they pore over clothing racks, they are grabbing sexier, attention-grabbing attire, vendors say. Skirts are even more daring this year than last year, noted a vendor at Bang Kapi’s Tawanna market. “Some are as tiny as 30cm from waistline to hem, and there are short skirts with front, rear or side slits, depending on your preference,” he said.

“The SSS size was the smallest shirt size last year, but this year our smallest is the SSSSS,” he said.

OK: major-league giggles. I know the abbreviation SSS. I’m hugely fond of the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup (which is where I met Haron), but I didn’t know it had branched out into the uniform trade. And what’s with the new SSSSS? Is that to SSS like DKNY is to Donna Karan?

The last word has to go to another University administrator, Dr Chanvipa Diloksamphan, director of the Student Affairs Department at Rajabat Institute:

“While we are trying to campaign for proper dress, many shops near the university offer improper uniforms.”

She said the university had always had a strict dress code. Students who violated it by wearing see-through shirts or short skirts would lose marks and be reported to their parents…. “It is difficult to control students”, she said.

Haron, can we go to Thailand on holiday?

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Poor Haron.

You see, she’s not very good at watering house plants. Even cacti and Joshua Trees - survivors in the most arid desert conditions - perish at her hands if I head off on a long business trip.

Now, I’m too generous to whack her for failing to water plants that she probably dislikes in the first place. That would be cruel. And I’m not a cruel man.

But when she was away recently, I decided it was time for a selection of our more recently-expired plants to find their way to the great garden centre in the sky. I happened to notice that one particular orchid (or, perhaps, ‘ex-orchid’) has been propped up by a rather nice cane. Thin, not hugely flexible.

Said orchid disappeared to the wastebin; said cane was hidden away for future application.

So, Haron finds herself at 11pm last night with a good few hours of work still ahead of her to finish off an important paper. She wanders upstairs, and I happen to notice the by-now-forgotten length of bamboo. I whacked her with it across her jeans, as one would. “Doesn’t hurt,” she grinned, with a trademark ‘I want to be smacked’ wiggle.

A girl under-estimates a cane at her peril. Apparently it did hurt, a lot, when it was applied more forcefully, the young lady positioned face down on the bed, backside in the air, jeans and panties removed. Hurt enough that a firm hand was needed on her back to hold her down for the whacking.

And then she went off to complete her work. She always seems to study more diligently when her backside is striped; I have a theory that it reminds her of the impact of slacking. See, I was only helping.

Gentlemen spankers invariably head towards rattan for their cane collections; I’m beginning to think that the qualities of bamboo needs further research.

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One of the my favourite blogs out there is “The Adventures of Spanko Girl“. I’ve often seen bloggers quote lists of search engine terms that have been used to find their sites, but adored the latest entry here which used the search phrases as the basis for a short story. It kicked off as follows:

She stood waiting outside the Headmaster’s office, nervously playing with the hem of her skirt. People filed past and looked knowingly that this girl was in trouble…

The Fairchild Young Women’s Academy makes extensive use of corporal punishment. Our girls are spanked hard on their bare bottoms regularly…

He brought the cane down over and over again, leaving thin white lines of burning fire on her naughty bottom. She leaned hard over the chair, gasping for air, ..

She looked at the welts on her bottom left by the strap in a mirror, and watched him trace the outline of each fading mark with his fingertips.

Cool idea, really well executed. If you don’t know about the site, it’s worth a look!

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Sitting in a pub with a decidedly vanilla friend on Monday night. She disappears to powder her nose, and I pick up the Evening Standard, abandoned by a previous drinker.

I glimpse my friend returning from the far side of the bar, and fold away the paper. Fold the paper, in all innocence, in such a way that the headline on the top of the page reads: “Taking the danger out of a spot of good honest spanking”.

I nearly choked, and only just composed myself before said young lady reappeared at my side. Yes, dear readers, the Standard did it again. Said paper accidentally found its way into my briefcase for the journey back to my hotel.

“One of the more peculiar experiences I had recently was attending a two-hour ’spanking skills’ seminar in Soho House in order to write it up for a glossy magazine”. (I’m not into it myself, see? Let’s just make sure that the denial gets into paragraph one. I was only doing it for the money. Really. After all, my friends might read this).

“I will spare you a blow-by-blow account” (groan) “and only reveal that the thing that really struck me - so to speak” (as if we hadn’t noticed your first cliched comment earlier in the sentence) “was the fact that the best part of the first hour was given over to an earnest lecture from the seminar’s two young and energetic tutors on health and safety issues.”

“Where to spank?” (People paid money to be enlightened on this? I am missing a business opportunity).

“How to spank? And with what? And so on. Honestly, as the long minutes ticked by I - who have no previous form or interest in this or, sadly, any other form of deviancy” (no, really, I’m not in the least bit curious; and these folks are all deviants; I don’t condone them for a moment) “- was checking my watch and almost champing to get on with it.”

And then the rest of the article lacked a single reference to spanking, other than a snide remark about “mild transgressive behaviour”. Quite bizarre.

People get paid to write this stuff? Still, thank you, Rachel “I’m not into spanking honestly” Johnson for at least writing an eye-catching headline. Although I’m guessing that a sub-editor probably did that for you.

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Abel is reading a travel book about Iran and emailing me quotes. The following conversation ensues.

From: Abel
To: Haron

“The Pleasure House stood nearby; its walls and ceilings were made of mirrors, and in its centre was a sunken chamber, down whose sloping sides the Shah would slide, and frolic naked with fifty of his favourites.”

From: Haron
To: Abel

1. Fifty?
2. How did he get out?

From: Abel
To: Haron

1. You don’t think 50 is enough?
2. Floated, I should imagine.

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Abel sent me a quote from George Orwell:

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

Mr Orwell must have heard about me.

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My eyes would be drawn towards a Guardian book review titled “Instrument of Torture” yesterday, wouldn’t they? In it, the magnificent Simon Callow critiques a new account of “Elizabeth’s Spy Master: Francis Walsingham and the Secret War that Saved England”.

What took me aback, though, was that the previous day I’d put the almost-finishing-touches to a new story, “The Housemaster’s Secret Diary”, in which one of the young ladies was named… Elizabeth Walsingham. Now that’s what I call a weird coincidence.

We’ll publish the new story here first once we’ve set up the other side of the site. (As I think we’ve mentioned, before too long this blog will be complemented by a free archive of the many spanking stories that we’ve both written). To whet your appetite, here’s an extract from this latest effort. The cynical diarist is supervising a group of girls from his posh public school on an outdoor adventure course; a cracked window has just been discovered.

It has to have been a ghost that broke the window. None of the girls was anywhere near it, or so they assure me, so adamantly that it would be funny were it not so pathetic.

I should have thrashed the lot of them until a confession was forthcoming.

I probably would have done, had it been term-time in Buckinghamshire, not half-term in North Wales.

And a few of them – the ones in my House - know that; a couple of them have even been on the less comfortable end of my cane in the past. Jennifer was looking quite nervous, for example, as it clearly didn’t require too much of a memory feat for her to realise that I wasn’t issuing idle threats when I reminded them that I was acting on behalf of ALL of their Housemasters whilst we were away, and was invested with FULL authority in every respect.

Including discipline.

And that I did have a cane with me.

Just in case.

I enjoyed writing this one, drawing heavily on memories of youthful Cadet Force camps in Snowdonia. These trips lacked the spankings, of course, whilst my public school was nowhere near as distinguished as the one these characters attend. I do rather suspect that that sweet, innocent schoolboy me would have been stunned (but very pleasantly surprised) had he known that he’d end up writing spanking stories for mass consumption!

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