The Spanking Writers

Thanks to our friend Bessie for pointing us towards a book in the “Horrible Histories” series. These are aimed at younger readers, but the volume entitled “The Vile Victorians” seems destined for a place on many a kinky bookshelf. For example, there’s a page showing four pictures of headmasters holding straps, and a scared looking pupil, hand outstretched, explaining that:

“Some vile Victorian teachers didn’t believe in talking to pupils to find out why they did something wrong.  They simply punished them… Can you work out which headmaster is going to use his strap to teach this boy a lesson?”

The very next page had an ‘activity’ for the book’s young readers; to give just a couple of examples:

“William Shaw was a headmaster at a Victorian school in Yorkshire.  He was famous for treaing his pupils badly… What punishment would you give each one?

1. Missing Sunday church, punished by…
a) a severe talking to by the priest and detention while you listen to the sermon you missed
b) a beating with a strap
c) doing extra work for the church- polishing the candlesticks, digigng a few graves, copying out of the Bible.

Joy for perverts everywhere: the correct answer is “B”.

Question 4 asked for the correct punishment for “Being late for school”. The options were as follows:

a) having your name written in the Punishment Book so you may not get a job when you leave school
b) being hit over the hand with a cane
c) both

According to the book, the period punishment would be C. Quite right too.

Why did I never have books like this at that age?!

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Have you ever been to the Bridewell Museum in Norwich? If not, don’t bother going for the sake of pervery: the museum is almost entirely dedicated to the history of local trade, with any mentions of its more exciting days as a house of correction and then prison banished to a hand-out in the introductory room.

So, I copied out everything that looked remotely pervy, to save you a trip.

In 1585 part of (the house) became a “brydewell to keep and stay idle persons to some honest worke and labour”, that is a kind of workhouse to correct as well as punish. Vagrant women and girls were trained for domestic service or as apprentices in crafts such as millinery. Tramps and beggars were taken off the street and put to work cutting wood and grinding malt.

No, it doesn’t specifically say what happened to these folks if they didn’t apply themselves to their work, but I have no trouble filling in the blanks.

Apparently, they had a real problem with vagrants in Norwich back then, but they knew how to deal with this:

Vagrants were arrested, whipped and sent back to their place of origin.

Those would be the vagrants that didn’t end up in Bridewell instead, I suppose.

Then the house became a proper prison. In 1622 its Keeper produced an inventory of items found there. Among other things, like sheets, pillows and benches, there were:

One paire of stockes, two whipping postes, one chaire for unruly p(er)sones, two paire of manicles, two paire of shackles.

A chair for unruly persons? OMG, they gave them time-outs!

Anyway, this is it for kink potential in the Bridewell Museum. All the rest is Norfolk shawls, wrought iron gate latches, recreated workshops and stuff like this.

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I return for a third and final time to our by-now-great-friend, the 19th century punishment enthusiast Mr. Henry M. Brooks.

The Salem Gazette of 6 February 1824 reproduced a wonderful extract entilted “The Schoolmaster’s Soliloquy’ from the Conneticut Centinel [sic]:

To whip, or not to whip?–that is the question.
Whether ’tis easier in the mind to suffer
The deaf’ning clamor of some fifty urchins,
Or take birch and ferule ‘gainst the rebels,
And by opposing end it? To whip–to flog–
Each day, and by a whip to say we end
The whispering, shuffling, and ceaseless buzzing
Which a school is heir to–’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To whip, to flog,
To whip, and not reform–aye, there’s the rub.

It continues in an equally silly way…
Continue Reading »

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What is it about baths that makes some spankers’ hands itch? I was filling my bath this morning, and was just about to submerge myself in the bubbles, when Abel appeared - a fly swat in hand. (The one his mother bought for us, bless her innocent soul.)

He made me bend over with my hands in the tub - yep, right in the water - and swatted me all sore and hot and pink. Because he could. After which, mightily pleased with himself, he departed, while I got into my bath, first sighing with pleasure when my stinging butt touched the cool bubbles, then hissing when it touched the hot water.

At least the water didn’t have time to grow cold.

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Simon Hoggart, The Guardian’s wonderful sketchwriter, describes a parliamentary suggestion that every schoolchild should know his or her own ‘carbon footprint’. He imagines the debate in households nationwide:

Now, young scallwag, what’s this oy hear about a black mark on your granma’s best room carpet? You been a-playing in that old coalshed?… Be off with you, young fella-me-lad, or you’ll get moy carbon footprint on your backside!

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We giggled on Friday when Jonathan Ross interviewed Old Etonian Conservative leader ’Dave’ Cameron. (Perhaps American readers might need a note of explanation here. Ross is the best-paid interviewer on British TV - think Letterman or Leno with a lisping London lilt. His interviewee is the leader of the Her Majesty’s Official Opposition).

Cameron is young enough to have been a teenager when Thatcher was Prime Minister.  Ross asked whether he’d ever fantasised about Mrs T in stockings, then posed the blunt question when faced with evasive answers:

“Did you or did you not have a wank thinking ‘Margaret Thatcher’?”

Cameron, to give him credit, dealt with the situation very well. But the tabloid press are now up in arms - witness the outraged front page headline in today’s Mail on Sunday (whose rabidly right-wing readers are actually the most likely to have thought about Mrs T in such a way):

OBSCENE! ROSS MAKES THATCHER SLUR TO CAMERON

That set us thinking. We’d not thought anything of the exchange, other than that it was a funny moment (albeit a little childish). Are we so out of touch with the morals of the nation?

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The office I was working in yesterday is gripped by World Cup fever. Each department has adopted a team, and decorated its area accordingly with national flags, photographs and shirts.

They’re also hosting mini-events, to raise money for charity. Every wall was decorated with posters publicising the latest such scheme: “Come along and experience all things Brazilian”.

I must spend too much time with kinky girls, but I did a double-take as my mind jumped to entirely the wrong conclusions. Sad to say, the young ladies in the office were not being shaved en masse; nor were they being bent over to be taken advantage of in the style so popular in that country. Mere “win a bag of brazil nuts” and limbo dancing contests were all that was on offer - but with my dirty mind, I had to surpress giggles every time I walked past one of their notices.

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We have been blogging for three months, and have posted exactly 100 entries, and our readership is steadily growing. (We’re really glad to see you folks here.) We’re beginning to feel sorry for our new readers, who might need ages to trawl through all of this kinkiness. With this in mind, here is a little list of our favourites, chosen from the entries we’ve posted thus far - just to help you find your way around.

We’ll probably post a best-of list like this once every few months - even though, obviously, all our entries are great.

My Birched Girl: a Real-Life Story - in which Abel gives Haron her first birching of spring.

Singing in Morning Assembley - in which Haron fantasises about a conflict between an inept music teacher and a cheeky schoolgirl.

The Hardware Shop – a fantasy, in which a young lady is sent by her father to purchase a strap.

Ballet Spanking - in which the Times publishes a picture of a ballerina OTK in a new production

Elizabeth, Walsingham, Torture and a Story - an extract from Abel’s newest story, (the rest of Abel’s stories are on a separate site here - for now).

A Licking For a Licking - in which Abel and Haron’s friend gets herself into an untold amount of trouble for sticking her tongue where it wasn’t supposed to go.

See how we’ve resisted giving this list a cheesy name like “Six of the Best”? That’s because we’re good like that.

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I sat opposite a lively six-year old on the train yesterday, as I returned from a meeting. He was chatting merrily to his father:

“I was the captain in football last week. I wasn’t very strict though. Not like the Victorians. Do you know they used the cane? We were told all about it on our school trip today: we went to a Victorian school in Reading.”

Father changed the subject; son stared out of the window, lost in thought. Ten minutes later: “The boys got the cane on the bottom, so they couldn’t sit down and had to stand up to write. But the girls,” gleam in eye, “got caned on the hands, so they couldn’t write at all. That was even worse: they couldn’t even hold their pens.”

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. Had their teachers been reading my post about the Ragged School? A quick google on my return home revealed that the boy must have visited Katesgrove School – is the whole country full of these potentially-kinky venues, corrupting the youth of today in the nicest way possible? I wondered how many of the girls on his trip had gone home dreaming about being caned on their hands!

As for Katesgrove, its website is a mine of wonderful information: clothing for the trip, for example:

Girls - Pinafores will be provided for girls. Girls should wear their hair off their faces, long hair plaited but not in buns. Girls did not put their hair up. Wear plain ribbons. No modern slides or fastenings. Knee length socks, calf length skirts if possible, and long or short sleeved blouses, or plain dark dresses. No jewellery or trousers please!

Under ‘Victorian behaviour’, the site states that: “It is important for the children to realise that for role play to be effective, the[y] must all enter into the spirit of the lessons.” I most certainly concur. I could picture some most effective role play along the following lines:

Children must be seen and not heard.
They must address the school mistress as “Ma’am” and master as “Sir” and curtsey or bow when wishing him or her a good morning or good afternoon.
They must not speak unless they are spoken to.
They must sit with their hands behind their backs when they are not working.
They must stand up whenever an adult enters the room and greet them appropriately.
The must at all times be obedient.
Children will not be allowed to leave the room under normal circumstances while lessons are in progress.
They must stand and sit erect.
They must have clean hands and shoes and a clean cotton handkerchief if needed.

Their reconstructed lessons even start with a “hand inspection”. And the suggested follow-up activities include both writing assignments (“Discuss differences in approach to learning and lessons and punishment. How do they learn? What helps them? What do they remember of the session?”) and class discussions:

Discussion and debate. Use of cane – for and against.

It’s a relief for us spankos to see that the education system is keeping the flame alive…

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From yesterday’s Guardian cricket column comes the shocking headline:

Not surprised, to be honest. I’d be withdrawing my labour in the circumstances. And to think that only last week, their major complaint was merely that they were being asked to play too many international matches each season…

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