Simon Hoggart, The Guardian’s wonderful sketchwriter, describes a parliamentary suggestion that every schoolchild should know his or her own ‘carbon footprint’. He imagines the debate in households nationwide:

Now, young scallwag, what’s this oy hear about a black mark on your granma’s best room carpet? You been a-playing in that old coalshed?… Be off with you, young fella-me-lad, or you’ll get moy carbon footprint on your backside!

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