Remarkably, it’s 25 years to the day since the “fairytale wedding” of Lady Diana Spencer and HRH Charles Philip Arthur George Windsor, Prince Of Wales, Duke Of Cornwall, Duke Of Rothsay, Count Of Chester, Count of Carick, Baron Of Renfrew, Great Steward Of Scotland, Lord Of the Isles. (Yes, really).

One of Diana’s qualifications for a royal marriage was supposedly that she could arrive at the altar in pristine virginal state. I’m given to wonder whether the same criteria are being applied to Prince William’s apparent beloved, Kate Middleton.

Miss Middleton is rather cute. If sex is not an option, the heir-to-the-heir-to- the-throne presumably has to find alternative ways of ‘entertaining’ her on their holidays together, without actually doing the deed that might debar her from a role as a future Queen.

Now I don’t want to start any scurrilous rumours, but I can’t therefore help but wonder whether spanking forms part of William’s must-not-have-sex repertoire? Now there’s a image to bring to mind the next time you see a tabloid snap of the young lady in question.

PS if you hear tell of a spanking writer thrown into The Tower for High Treason in the next day or two, that’ll probably be me.