Checking a couple of bags into storage at a railway station en route home from holiday, I was reminded of my previous experience of said facilities.

They scan every bag these days using airline-style X-ray machines; I’d just returned from a weekend with a spanko friend.

“Do you have any electrical items in your bag, sir?”

“Yes, an alarm clock and shaver.”

And then the guy behind the counter looked extremely puzzled as he studied the silhouettes of my belongings on his screen.

“What are these items, then?” (pointing to X-ray).

Politely: “That one’s a cane, and that one’s a whip” (OMG I can just imagine having said *that* a few years ago. Not).

Shock on his face: “Can you open your bag for me to have a look, please?” (Was he asking out of sheer disbelief, or rigid adherance to company policy – ‘all spanking implements must be inspected’?).

“Sure,” I smiled back.

Cue very embarrassed-looking left-luggage attendant, especially as I took out the large paddle to get to the other two items and laid it on his counter.

Honestly, these vanillas…

Still, he accepted the bags into his store; it’s good to know that – in the words of their notice – spanking implements don’t class as “dangerous weapons”.

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