The Spanking Writers

Lazing in the open-air at a music festival recently, Haron and I indulged in the “reverse Clinton” approach to naughty substances – we don’t smoke, but boy can one have a good time inhaling if one stands next to the right people!

During a gap between performances, we pondered the punishment tariff should the naughty young ladies around us transfer their festival smoking habits to their (presumably strict) scholastic environments.

We decided that the cigarette smokers would be best dealt with on a sliding scale: two strokes for the first offence, four for the second, six should they dare to return a third time.

And the young ladies smoking more fragrant substances? An automatic six with the senior cane, kept for the most serious offences, before a week’s suspension. Their daddies would not be best pleased with them on their return, either, one would assume…

Then we realised that the cigarette debate was slightly more complicated. Festival goers were wearing colour-coded wristbands, and some of those with tobacco in hand were duly marked out as being under sixteen (and thus too young to purchase cigarettes). So questions of legality crept in: should a fifteen-year-old receive additional strokes for her criminality?

We agreed that the fairest solution would be to punish whichever girl had purchased the tobacco. An additional four strokes (also to be meted out to any young lady who refused to disclose the source of her supplies) might act as a suitable deterrent, especially should said young lady already be qualifying under the tariff for consumption.