On the spanking menu

Commenting on one of our recent posts, one of our readers observed that she was:

…going to a BBQ tomorrow evening where I’m sure to be passed around as an entree for the delights of the other spankers in attendance

“As an entrée”. What a wonderful phrase, and what a great concept. I’m just imaging ladies and gentlemen turning up for a very formal dinner party (all candles and silverware and black ties and posh dresses). They’d be handed the menu for the evening, listing the pleasures to be expected from* and with each course:

Starter
Pan fried Scottish lobster tail with aubergine gratin, black truffle and coriander bisque
Wine: Riesling Grand Cru Schoenburg, SGN, Marcel Deiss 1988
Spankee: Niki Flynn
Implement: Senior School Cane
Strokes: Six, hard, per guest

Main course
Fillet of Angus beef with braised cheeks, creamed potato, salsify, baby girolles, truffle and barolo sauce
Wine: Chateau Beychevelle 2eme cru 1990
Spankee: Adele Haze
Implement: Hand
Smacks: One minute per guest, of increasing severity

Dessert
Lime parfait with melon sorbet, honeycomb and chocolate sauce
Wine: Tokaji Aszú 6 Puttonyos, István Szepy 1999
Spankee: Bailey of Real Spankings
Implement: Mason Pearson hairbrush
Whacks: A dozen on the bare, over the knee of each guest.

Or we could choose vanilla personalities that we’d like to spank….
Starter: Helena Bonham-Carter, birch
Main course: Billie Piper, doubled-up leather belt
Dessert: Suzanne Vega, velvet flogger

…plus writer and comedian Meera Syal being slippered with the petit-fours.

Then again, we could opt for a menu of famous folks who we don’t particularly want to spank, but who might (cynically) bring traffic here from Google:
Starter: Paris Hilton caned
Main course: Olsen Twins paddled
Dessert: Keira Knightley spanked.

(OK, we lied about not wanting to spank Keira Knightley).

* Thanks to controversial British chef Gordon Ramsay for putting his menus online. Actually, they’re as pornographic as anything on this site, in their own way.

5 thoughts on “On the spanking menu

  • 28 August, 2006 at 7:55 pm
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    How lovely to see you’d serve me with an ’88 Riesling. And lobster tail and rattan… My mouth is watering already! Thanks also for putting me in such excellent company. I’ll happily be devoured alongside Adele and Bailey. 😉

    Reply
  • 31 August, 2006 at 7:21 pm
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    May I let you know about the french menus, which had until quite recentlty, at least 6 to 9 courses…

    Aperitif (with salted “amuse-gueules”)
    Entree
    Hors d’oeuvre
    Fish
    Main course
    Salad
    Cheeses (the plural is important)
    desert
    coffee (with fine biscuits) and alcohols

    Here we go! I will try to find a picture of one of these! then you will be able to add some pleasures and some girls too!

    Yann

    Reply
  • 31 August, 2006 at 9:47 pm
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    And, Yann, you hint at one of the great mysteries of life: how French women stay so svelte with all of those courses! Thanks for the comment…. and for the idea of spanking a different girl with each of so many courses!

    Reply
  • 17 January, 2007 at 3:44 pm
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    Our fancier dinner always feature precisely this many courses and these exact courses moreover… but wait… no spanking :(((.

    Reply

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