The Spanking Writers

The north-east of England, where we live, has a multitude of Universities – five, if I count correctly: Newcastle, Northumbria, Durham, Sunderland, Teesside. The students must be arriving shortly for the new academic year, and a comment on the Yahoo Traditional Mentoring and Discipline group fired my imagination:

You sound so much like my wife and myself. We are life coaches for a few local college students. We even have one that travels to us from several hours away as needed.

This could bring a whole new perspective to Freshers’ Week: sign up for classes, meet new friends, buy textbooks, register with a local disciplinarian. Oh, what fun could be had – and all whilst helping a student to adjust to the demands of university life. Long conversations first, setting the ground rules. A misdemeanour a few weeks into term: a first, nervous trip over the knee. Later, a serious transgression, and a first sharp taste of the cane.

The best mentors might even take on two students. I picture the young ladies, passing outside our front door, one arriving, one departing have had her work reviewed and correction applied. Knowing that they must surely visit the house for the same reason, they would avert their eyes shyly from one another.

One imagines them meeting subsequently in more conventional surroundings, in some student bar. A mutual friend would introduce them: “Have you met?” “No, we haven’t,” they’d both respond, just a fraction too quickly.

Haron wouldn’t join in, of course. She’d be too busy reflecting ruefully on some of the ‘motivation’ that’s come her way during her studies in the past few years…

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The Dallas Morning News reports that Principal Anthony Price has reinstated paddling in his junior high school, which has apparently helped to turn it around completely.

Paddles were hard to come by, so he ordered a load of them from a local cabinet maker. I wonder whether he’d first done any price checks at some of the Texan BDSM toy-making outfits. He might have got a bargain. Or maybe a wholesale paddle order from a furniture-maker is cheaper?

Though honestly, I wish he stopped beating kids, and came over to beat me instead. What a waste of a good-looking man with a great big board…

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So, Patisserie Valerie, the small chain of upmarket London eateries, has been sold for £8m . The original and best branch neighbours Janus in Old Compton Street. It’s thus our traditional location for a traditional cup of tea after visiting a shop promoting traditional values. If you ever spy a couple in there whispering naughty comments to one another about the cutest of their fellow diners, come and say hi: it’ll probably be us.

Meanwhile Munich’s famous beer festival is underway; nearly two million pints were downed during last weekend’s opening ceremonies alone. Scenes behind the beer tents are apparently “Hogarthian” with “couples who were strangers a few hours earlier groping each other.”

What particularly caught my eye, though. in the report in The Times yesterday was the comment that young Bavarian women are “enlisted from farms to serve as waitresses”. They have to be trained to carry up to eight tankards of beer at once.

Given that the festival dates from 1810, I’m imagining ‘Hogarthian’ scenes of a different nature in the earlier days of its existence - with delectable Bavarian village girls being soundly whipped for spilling beer over clients. One complaint would lead to a warning; a second would inevitably lead to a thrashing before the waitress returned straight to work, wiping away the tears.

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Recently my life has been centred around - or reduced to - one thing: finishing off my thesis. Every morning I crawl to my desk (upright walking being impossible after so many hours hunched over the blanket of papers that covers every surface in the house) and begin typing inspiring things like “See mutatis mutandis Smith v. Iceland (2010) 1009 EHRR 12 at 17″. Gripping stuff.

It takes a while to convince my head to start functioning every morning. This morning at breakfast I was cuddling my cup of coffee, convinced I would never, ever be able to type one more word again. Even thinking about going back to work made my eyes water a little bit.

“I can’t switch my brain on,” I complained to Abel.

He looked with me with due sympathy. And then he suggested:

“Maybe you need your bottom switching on? Would that help?”

Oh, I thought, a spanking! Why, that would take me out of the thesis misery for at least 10 minutes! It might even wake me up! I nodded several times with great enthusiasm.

He led me upstairs - by the hand, holding it gently, comfortingly. He sat on the bed and drew me over his lap. I hadn’t got as far as wearing any panties yet (panties at 8am don’t really happen), so he swept up my house dress and started smacking my bottom. It was a light spanking - as comforting as a long hug first thing in the morning. There was just enough sting to create a little cloud of warmth, but not enough to make me regret accepting his offer with so much enthusiasm. Little by little, my bottom was switching on.

In the end I got a proper long hug. I think it helped to switch on my brain in the end, too.

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I spotted a fantastic item on eBay from one of our favourite sellers, closing very shortly. [Steps back to avoid the stampede].

this is a very interesting lot……it comprises a 2 tailed & 3 tailed tawse patters and a gladstone bag…….the tawses are 3 tailed 17 5/8″ long x 1 5/8″ wide x 3 /32″ thick & 21 3/4″ long x 1 3/8″ wide x 3/32″ thick…….they have a leather top which has a rubber backing…they would have given a pretty sharp sting in their own right but were used as samples….

my friend bought them from the daughter of the original owner and was told he had all sorts of different design patterns and took them to customers of whom many were schools in the late 1970s early 80s……..he transported them in his gladstone bag(which is much older) along with leather samples,so customers could choose style colour of leather and thickness etc as well as stamps or hanging holes/loops etc…….

she was told he had a thriving cottage industry at the time…..they are stamped sample 1a & 4b…in his workshop he had steel templates of all the designs and he simply cut round them……

a fascinating look into the past…..unfortunately the templates and other patterns were lost justt the 2 in the bag remained

How reminiscent of the cane maker that Haron described recently! One ponders the discussion on the morning of his visit:

“Remember, Headmaster: the tawse man is visiting today.”

“Of course, Mrs Benham. Line up four girls for me, would you, in case he has anything interesting that I need to try out? And could you speak to Mr. Price, please? I have a suspicion that he may have worn out his XH on the Upper Fourth last week.”

Shame that finances are too tight right now for me to bid!

The seller’s final caveat is worth noting lest any of you had started formulating perverted plans:

***please note this is NOT A FETISH ITEM…..IT IS A HISTORICAL/ COLLECTORS ITEM FROM OUR SOCIAL HISTORY AND IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE****

But of course.

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A fun cartoon from yesterday’s Times:

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“I didn’t realise that you were the Abel who wrote stories. I used to read your stuff on Laura’s Spanking Corner.” Thus spake a new spanko friend, perched in the passenger seat of my car recently. Actually, she was the third new person I’ve played with thus far in 2006 to have mentioned that they used to read my stories on that particular den of spanking iniquity.

None of the professional accolades I’ve garnered in my real-life career has ever generated half the pride of Laura’s note asking whether she could add some of my writing to her site. When I first started exploring corporal punishment sites on the Web in the late 90s, the Spanking Corner was so far and away the best repository of spanking tales that to be invited to join her august group of authors was honour beyond my kinkiest dreams.

I wonder if Laura realises quite how popular her site was (and, presumably, still is)? Quite how many people realised that “There are other people like me” as a result of browsing the stories that she selected? Quite how important she’s therefore been to quite so many people’s lives? I know who’d win my vote for the first Nobel Prize for Spanking.

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I was searching for some statistics on life expectancy of an average blog, when instead I came across this:

Discipline and Punish

Of all the new genres facilitated by digital technology, the blog is the one that brings the loudest calls for discipline and punishment.

Goodness, yes. I mean, there are whole blogs about discipline and punishment. Fancy somebody noticing.

OK, the author actually meant young people who get punished for what they write online:

One indicator of the impact that blogs are having on our communication practices is the growing number of bloggers who get in trouble for what they write. As the examples above suggest, many bloggers are teen-agers, and just as school principals have always tried to control what students write in the school paper or the literary magazine, administrators are starting to take action against bloggers who aren’t sufficiently true to their school.

I can just picture it. A high-school principal in an old jacked with leather elbow patches. A broad wooden paddle on the desk in front of him. In front of the desk, a nervous girl squirms, her hands instinctively stuck into the back pockets of her bluejeans for protection. “So, Miss Kelly, do you care to repeat in my presence the words you used to describe me in your LiveJournal?”

But it isn’t just schoolgirls for whom blogging and punishment are fused together:

At around the same time, a Singapore government agency threatened to sue a Singaporean student attending an American university for allegedly defaming the agency on his blog. Anxious to avoid an international incident, and perhaps a caning when he got back home, the student shut down his website.

I doubt Singapore canes people who lose civil law suits, but the notions caning and blog sort of belong together, don’t they?

Oh, wait… they punish students for blogging? Yikes, I’d better go.

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Anyone wealthy readers fluent in French are advised to head straight across to The Philadelphia Rare Books & Manuscripts Company, who are selling a book concerning the “Affair of the Diamond Necklace”…

..an elaborate confidence game involving the countess de la Motte, her husband, Cardinal Rohan, the Parisian jewelry firm of Boehmer and Bassenge, possibly Marie Antoinette, and a diamond necklace valued at 1,600,000 livres.

The conspirators’ scheme to secure the necklace under the guise of Marie Antoinette’s acquiring it through intermediaries began in the summer of 1784, and came to fruition in January of the next year.

Arrests were made and an absolutely sensational trial was held in which the cardinal was acquitted, the countess was “condemned to be whipped, branded and shut up in the Salpetrière,” and her husband, who had fled to England with the necklace, “was condemned . . . to the galleys for life” (Encyclopaedia Britannica).

The branding doesn’t do it for me, but I could dream about whipped countesses for days…

A “list of the personalities” provides further insights:

Comtesse de la Motte: the brilliantly evil genius behind “The Con of the Century.” Convicted and indeed whipped (”naked”), branded, etc.

“Naked”.

This particular 42-page volume (at $210) is the count’s spin on events: the “Réponse de m. le comte de Précourt…aux mémoires des sieurs d’Étienville, Vaucher & Loque”, to give it its full title. Published in 1786 in Paris.

The countess herself published her own version of events, and that’s for sale too at a mere $175. Whether she discusses the whipping isn’t clear.

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Ruby Redd posted a must-see link on her ever-interesting blog - to a fantastic Norwegian music video on Google. A-ha it’s certainly not. Mjoff’s “Slemme Jenter må ha Ris” mightn’t appeal on first glance to English speakers, but I can sense you all rushing to click on the link when I tell you that the song title translates as “Naughty Girls Need Spanking”.

And no subtle references here, either. The subtitles reveal that the lyrics include such gems as “You’ll be put across my knee and given discipline”, “No, no, no, I don’t want to be spanked” and “I will take off my belt and punish you.”

LOL the band also posted it to YouTube, apparently. Their website is incredulous: “why on earth this video was flagged “inappropriate” is beyond me”. Not beyond me, it ain’t. Personally, I’m looking forward to the Avril Lavigne remix.

“Based on a true story”, according to the explanatory notes. I have, of course, written to the artists asking whether they’d care to expand on this. (How brazen am I?). I’ll keep you posted if I hear back. Meanwhile, I guarantee that you’ll be humming the song all day, blushing if anyone asks you to name that tune.

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