Caned at the Crack of Dawn
Posted by Abel on 18 Jan 2007 at 09:34 am | Tagged as: Perverting Reality
The milkman, usually fairly quiet as he creeps up to the front door to deliver our daily pint, woke me this morning with a great clinking of bottles. Still half asleep, I began to ponder an alternative early morning round, this time by the local punishment officer.
Legally-appointed, said official’s “morning round” would take in each village or district once a week. Parents in the relevant area would leave a note outside their door before retiring the previous night, requesting the officer to stop by: “Six strokes, eldest daughter”, for example. The young lady’s punishment would presumably be amplified by the thought that late night passers-by might pause, curious, and read the note.
The girl would be expected to be up and waiting from, say, 6am - showered and in her uniform ready for the school day. The precise time of the disciplinarian’s arrival determined by the number of other calls he’d had to make on the given morning. Punishment would be swift and firm, administered on the bare with a government-issue cane.
Anyone interested in providing such a service in our local area should apply to… No, hold on: sounds far too hot a scene to let anyone else play in my place. “Eight strokes, wife”. Haron won’t be sitting comfortably after I’ve left for work tomorrow morning…
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Abel My Dear: You’re busy enough without taking on local council disciplinary responsibilities. Ideas in the past week or so would have you providing discipline at home, down your entire street, all those unfortunates on the train, team members for misdemeanors during the week, not to mention poor sods who are summoned to your or their hotel room for a sound thrashing! Be careful Abel! RSI is a serious condition! (P.S. Don’t worry about my disicpline by the way - that bloody 7×12 idea is being summarily executed, and needless to say, I’m not sitting comfortably.
I think that this should be a municipal service, much like road paving and trash collection. After all well-disciplined children and wives promote the general welfare. Less truancy, juvenile misbehaviour, and in the case of the wives no more problems with smoking in public, unseemly lacivious carriage and public disrespect of their husbands. More modern misbehaviour could be corrected as well - cell phone use while driving, in the theater, and so on.
Gee, my husband just rushes out the door in the morning while the baby and I are still fast asleep. So fast in fact, that he frequently forgets his lunch. Abel, are you really that kinky or does it seem so from your writing? I mean, you are going like 100 miles an hour, all that energy…
Another early morning delivery comes care of the newspaper lad. And today’s Guardian has Tony, our glorious leader, exposing three parallel stripes on his bared backside, courtesy of Steve Bell’s cartoon strip, If, on the back of G2.
UK residents have a couple of hours left in which they can rush around to their nearest late-opening shop to grab a copy.
Hey! I get it! You guys over in Europe start your day work later, maybe, but on the other hand Abel has to commute quite a bit to work from what I gather…?
This is amazingly hot. I love your mind