I’m spending much time hanging out with my childhood friends. It’s the first time in months that I’ve been around vanilla people for days at a time.* I’m not used to this any more.

Obviously, when I’m with kinky friends, spanking isn’t the only thing we ever talk about – yet, it’s always there, like a comfortable background tune. This has been the only type of communication I’ve known recently. Coming to the UK to study, I needed to make a whole new set of friends, and I’ve consciously stuck to the spanking scene.

Thus, returning to Kiev, I find that I’ve forgotten how to communicate with people who are not only vanilla, but also chaste, fresh and unknowing. Even the saucy japes we throw at each other are of an innocent kind. We blush when we swear; we don’t talk of sex, but whisper. Most of the time, conversations are not just vanilla, but sexless: life, memories of school, work.

When you make a living writing erotica, it’s kind of hard to discuss work with your childhood friends. They know, but they don’t really want to know the details.

I love my friends in all their chastity. They do baffle me, though.

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* Note to t’Larien: of course, I don’t mean you, dear. But you really are the only kinky childhood friend I have!