Tourist information departments are most inventive these days. Wandering round a city centre before a meeting last week, I spied a high-tech multimedia booth.

Behold, an electronic, touch-screen map of our attractions! Marvel at the email ability: just touch the picture of the establishment you want to visit, and you can send them a note! Look shocked at the two schoolgirls typing what, from their giggles, was clearly a rude message…

Had I designed the system, it would have had an additional feature…

Picture said girls standing before their Headmaster…

See him pass the grainy photograph across the desk: not the highest quality, but recognisably the two girls in front of him…

Hear him comment on how prescient the tourist board had been to fit the booths with in-build cameras…

Watch him walk over to his cupboard to extract a cane…

Wince as the girls take their turn touching their toes for their salutory lesson…

Only, I doubt it quite transpired like that this morning, cameras and canes being absent from the equation.

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