As Finland hosted last Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest, I thought it was timely to post about an earlier example of that country’s artistic endeavour.

The epic work “Kalevala” was created by poet Elias Lonnrot in the mid-nineteenth century. I rather wish they’d performed scenes from it as the interval entertainment at Eurovision:

“See you do not, you poor bridegroom,
Ever treat this maiden badly;
Never teach her like a slave -
Never with a leather lash,
Never with the five-thonged knout -
Nor make her weep out on the stairs.
Never in her father’s house,
Never before was the maiden
Taught with whipstrokes like a slave.”

Quite right, too. Am I alone at marvelling at the detail of the research that gone into this apparently anti-spanking message?

The poem continues with more detailed advice:

“Teach your girl, instruct your apple;
Teach her, bridegroom, in the bed
Or behind the door correct her,
For one year in each place -
For a year by word of mouth, ‘
For the next by glance of eye,
And the third by stamp of foot.”

In year four, a light tapping with a fresh reed is recommended. Only in year five should the punishment become more severe…

“Only if she still persists
And does not obey at all,
Pull a switch up from a thicket,
Birch rod from a woodsy hollow -
Underneath your fur coat bring it
That the neighbors may know nothing.
Show it to her, brandish it,
But you must not strike her yet.

If she still remains unheeding
And does not obey at all,
Give her lessons with the switch,
With a birchen branch correct her…
Always switch her on her shoulders
And the soft flesh of her bottom.”

Haron and I have been living together for over five years now. I’m pleased that the ancient texts condone our occasional trips to the local birch grove.

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