Ethically harvested implements
Posted by Haron on 12 Jun 2007 at 10:41 am | Tagged as: Startles
Sunday’s Observer magazine was on its “ethical issue”. I prepared to yawn my way through it, but luckily for those of us with a one-track mind they’ve included a “green sex” column.
Which informed me that, apparently, there are people in the world who would “only wish their rump to be ’struck by a paddle’ if made from sustainably harvested timber”.
I wouldn’t mind my rump to be made from sustainably harvested timber, either…
I can just imagine the conversation. “No, no, sir! I shan’t bend over! That cane’s carbon footprint offends my green sensibilities!”
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Yeah, and think of the CO2 emmissions incurred when shipping the rattan from South-East Asia to the UK…
It’s a good thing that I therefore use all of our implements regularly, thus reducing the all-important “carbon footprint per whacking” ratio.
Haron,
Without swift and decisive action, the world’s supply of wooden spanking implements could be depleted over the next few decades. I believe we must mobilize today to preserve these scarce resources.
I propose that paddles, hairbrushes, and canes be collected for the greater good and placed into museums where their continued safety can be assured. No longer will such treasures be senselessly splintered indiscriminately across undeserving bottoms. They will instead be preserved for scientific examination and scholarly research.
I suggest that the time has come to speak out in defense of posterity’s posteriors.
Hugs,
Bonnie
Abel: Don’t sell yourself short - think of all the recycling methods you have in place; visiting second hand stores as you do so frequently..and with such passion for the cause! And….you don’t throw out old gym shoes in a hurry either. No. No. Nor old slippers. You may use a tad too much water in the shower, but nobody’s perfect!!!
LOL!!!
Well… this is my first reply here at Abel & Haron’s, so I’ll make it brief. I think that spending $100+ for a spanking impliment is silly. Just go down to the local 2nd hand sports shop and pick up a ping-pong paddle for two bucks. The same goes for belts. If you’re a bargan hunter, you can find a nice window/rod in the “furnature section” of your local pawn shop. (on the other hand $400.00 is required for a nice leather corset for Mistress…)
Hmmmm double standard!
Bonnie - I do approve of your idea: a central store in each city full of spanking implements, used by proficient disciplinarians who would only apply them to deserving bottoms. Where should I send my resume?
Rob - another useful idea, mentioning showers. Hot water has to be generated by ghastly coal-fired power stations. It’s cold water for Haron from now on.
And welcome to our spankingenthusiast: great to see you joining our conversation. My current favourite implements are actually free - we had another birch-picking afternoon in the local woods on Sunday! And I agree that it’s wonderful picking up cheap items from vanilla stores. I think the only things I’ve bought for large sums of money have been ones with historical interest - my XH Lochgelly being the most damaging (financially, and to Haron’s backside!).
Abel: Oh yeah???? Aren’t you forgetting the ‘wooden statues’ you bought courtesy of ‘Silver Birch? And from memory you spent ALL the winnings on them….AND if memory serves me correctly…and it does…. he was anything but the favourite…..
Half the winnings
And there were half a dozen items - so way less than $100 per implement! (Note to self - must write that account of how effective the scupltures have been!)
“Effective” they may be, but let’s hope that they are also made from ’sustainably harvested timber’. It would be a shame if Haron had to send them back because they offend her green sensibilities…
She’d be getting some bright red sensitivities if she did…
Telling ya, folks, up to the backyard for apple switches! They certainly beat rattan, nylon, AND lexan cane (and my bottom).
Abel: I think we should recap the lesson, don’t you? Have I got this right?
‘Green’ is the go, but ‘red’ is still for stop.
Hey, Amber’s got a back yard big enough to plant trees. I think we should launch a reforestation campaign to offset CO2. Let’s all contribute towards planting *lots* of apple trees, so her husband has a plentiful supply.
Rob - “green is for go, red is for showing that you are having an impact”. Or something like that.
At a high school dance, one or two years ago now, I wore a broach on my dress. ‘Fruit’ broaches were in at the time and mine was ‘red cherries’. My history teacher came up to me and said, “Rob, do you know what wearing red cherries mean?” I was clueless. “It means you’re ready?”, he said.
True story. Is that true about the red cherries? I’ve always wondered.
Yeah, seriously, in addition to 5 mature trees, he planted like 20 rootstocks in the back, and today, as I moved the chickens, I admired it greatly - only one has been grafted yet, but switches, OMG, those switches! Better get out there with the clippers for a new welcome-home-master birch.
And because I’m also practical, and press a rather ambitious amount of apple cider in the fall, it’s a good double-duty tree!
Amber: Your garden/farm really does sound wonderful and I’m thinking I’ll take a look around for an apple tree to plant. The possums will eat the apples of oourse, but the switches…….