How many times have I written, fantasised or played scenes in which a girl reports at the annointed hour for some well-earned judicial thrashing?

It’s only just occurred to me that a young lady facing such a predicament might be tempted to fortify herself before her appointment.

The court officials would smell the alcohol on her breath, of course. They would wait until the judge who had originally heard her case had a gap in his schedule for the day, and would take her before him.

Her insobriety would cost her dear, for the judge would not be amused. Her birching would be deferred for one week. “In the meantime you need to be taught the consequences of your contempt for this court.”

The court officers would be asked to detain her for the remainder of the day, until the judge had finished hearing the afternoon’s case. “And then you are to give her a cold shower to make sure she sobers up, before bringing her to my chambers so that I may punish her.”

He turned to the culprit. “I shall be giving you twenty strokes of the cane on the bare when we meet again later. I hope that the afternoon will give you sufficient time to reflect on your behaviour and anticipate its consequences.”