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So, day 4 of the (qute wonderful) ban on smoking in public buildings dawns across England..
The court papers for the first offenders will have been filed by police on Monday, the overnight print job generating piles of legal paperwork for despatch on Tuesday. They’ll have been landing on doormats across the country today.
“An official letter arrived for you while you were at school, darling. The envelope says it’s ‘On Her Majesty’s Service’. I wonder what it could be?”
Indeed. For they wouldn’t even know up to then that their daughter smoked, let alone that she would have been in a pub on Sunday night when she’d gone to her best friend’s “so we can revise together for next week’s exam.”.
Imagining the consequences is all too painful – although, dear readers, I suspect many of you will be doing precisely that.
Rob
July 4th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Seize the day Abel! Put in a call to the office sending out those letters, introduce yourself and the services you provide, together with the offer of several hundred/thousand ‘cards’ to be placed in the envelopes. For those guardians/boyfriends/husbands who might be a bit squeemish about doing the deed themselves, it would be comforting to know you are so close ‘at hand’. Slight problem could be that you might have to give up your day job with the phone ringing off the hook, and of course, you wouldn’t want that…would you? (I charge a mere 3% for marketing ideas.)
Abel
July 4th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Mentally does the maths… I wonder what I could save the Health Service in long-term patient care bills if I dealt with, say, six girls a day needing curing of their habits…? At, say, £350 per time?
Sarah
July 4th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
… Don’t be greedy now!
or do you pay them?
Abel
July 4th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
LOL my dear Sarah, I don’t need to *pay*
Actually, £350 per day is a bit steep, if Mr Brown and his government could guarantee six per day all year round. Tell you what: I’d do it for £150. How’s that for generosity?!
Now, perhaps one should add expenses… after all, I suspect that a few canes might get broken in use in the course of a year…
wanda
July 9th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Smoking ban?!?!?!?!?! That’s the final nail in the coffin… I would never survive across the pond.
Abel
July 9th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Wanda – but with the threat of a sound caning were you to continue smoking….? Actually, hold on, that might be an incentive not a threat!
Rob
July 10th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Are you referring to your 50 hard strokes of the cane caning? THAT is definitely a THREAT!!!!! (Might you have us confused for masochists??)