Reading the quite dreadful* shortlist for the prestigious Mercury Music Prize, announced yesterday, I noticed one or two pervy-sounding titles. The interestingly named Bat for Lashes are shortlisted for “Fur and Gold”. “Fantastic Playroom” sounds appealing, until one realizes it’s by the New Young Pony Club, which isn’t really my kink.
And there’s more. “Favourite Worst Nightmare” refers presumably not to an Arctic Monkeys song, but to girls waking in the night dreading canings. Hopefully one of their friends would be on hand to help with “Panic Prevention” (Jamie T).
There’s Dizzee Rascal’s “Maths and English”, the classes in which girls are most likely to get into trouble. Lots of shouting from girls running wild, being brought back under control by the schoolmasters: “Voices of Animals and Men” (The Young Knives), maybe. At least they’d be in their school uniform – “Back to Black” (Amy Winehouse).
The canings would be painful, but Fionn Regan exaggerates to say that they’re “The End of History”.
And don’t have nightmares. As the Klaxons say, these ramblings are all just “Myths of the Near Future”, but it’s good that “We Can Create” such kinky illusions from something as mundane as a list of albums. (That last one’s by Maps, if you were wondering).
* One assumes the judges were too busy to listen to the albums by Mika, The Editors or Brett Anderson, all of which put the stuff on their shortlist to shame.
PS if anyone can think of any kinky spin on “Basquiat Strings” by Basquiat Strings with Seb Rochford – Basquiat Strings, or The View’s “Hats off to the Buskers”, they’re far pervier than me.