Singing about spanking

Reading the quite dreadful* shortlist for the prestigious Mercury Music Prize, announced yesterday, I noticed one or two pervy-sounding titles. The interestingly named Bat for Lashes are shortlisted for “Fur and Gold”. “Fantastic Playroom” sounds appealing, until one realizes it’s by the New Young Pony Club, which isn’t really my kink.

And there’s more. “Favourite Worst Nightmare” refers presumably not to an Arctic Monkeys song, but to girls waking in the night dreading canings. Hopefully one of their friends would be on hand to help with “Panic Prevention” (Jamie T).

There’s Dizzee Rascal’s “Maths and English”, the classes in which girls are most likely to get into trouble. Lots of shouting from girls running wild, being brought back under control by the schoolmasters: “Voices of Animals and Men” (The Young Knives), maybe. At least they’d be in their school uniform – “Back to Black” (Amy Winehouse).

The canings would be painful, but Fionn Regan exaggerates to say that they’re “The End of History”.

And don’t have nightmares. As the Klaxons say, these ramblings are all just “Myths of the Near Future”, but it’s good that “We Can Create” such kinky illusions from something as mundane as a list of albums. (That last one’s by Maps, if you were wondering).

* One assumes the judges were too busy to listen to the albums by Mika, The Editors or Brett Anderson, all of which put the stuff on their shortlist to shame.

PS if anyone can think of any kinky spin on “Basquiat Strings” by Basquiat Strings with Seb Rochford – Basquiat Strings, or The View’s “Hats off to the Buskers”, they’re far pervier than me.

15 thoughts on “Singing about spanking

  • 18 July, 2007 at 8:45 am
    Permalink

    I drew my own conclusions about Editors “Munich”, with such lines as..

    “With one hand you calm me
    With one hand I’m still ”

    and

    “People are fragile things, you should know by now
    Be careful what you put them through
    People are fragile things, you should know by now
    You’ll speak when you’re spoken to ”

    I would agree with you about Brett Anderson and Editors being a cut above quite a few on the nomination list, but Mika?? Ummm, I am lost for words.

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 10:07 am
    Permalink

    Gerrard: My daughter has just assured me that Mika is great but that she could understand “older people” not being into it!!

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 10:24 am
    Permalink

    Mika *is* great, but Abel and I are wondering whether he’s not on the list because he’s not British-born.

    Also, Brett Anderson is the rare male that I would love to spank. (Or whip, anyway.) Obviously, if he wanted to spank me, I would consider it, but he awakens my sadistic tendencies with his angsty songs. “So, you think you’re suffering now, lad, let me give you something to complain about”. WHACK

    I like your interpretation of “Munich”, Gerrard!

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 10:26 am
    Permalink

    P.S. At Brett Anderson’s gig a few months ago, I stood right at the front, and he wiggled his bottom in my face. Oh, the self-restraint that went into not smacking it.

    A few of the other girls there had a good grope, but I restrained myself from that, too.

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 11:36 am
    Permalink

    ‘your sadistic tendencies’!! You want to “whip” him??? I’ve had one too many surprises today. I think I’ll go and have a nice cup of tea!!

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 2:48 pm
    Permalink

    Rob – never fear: her desire to whack the occasional man doesn’t extend to me!!!!

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 4:10 pm
    Permalink

    One thing can lead to another Abel dear….best take a stock count of the whips….:-)

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 6:53 pm
    Permalink

    Well, we tidied the implements up the other day, and we’re at over 100 😉

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 9:32 pm
    Permalink

    Oooh, I absolutely agree with your interpretation of Munich.

    If you want songs with some edgier, more blatant kinky references, I’d recomend the band She Wants Revenge.

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 9:42 pm
    Permalink

    I’ve long liked Munich: one of my favourite songs.

    Puella: thanks for the recommendation about She Wants Revenge: I’ll see if I can pick something by them up when I’m in London tomorrow.

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 10:41 pm
    Permalink

    Abel: OK, so you have your eye on the whips, but what of the restraints?? In my morning shower just now my mind recalled the movie where Penelope Cruz is treated too roughly for her girlfriend’s liking by this sadistic man. So the friend pretends she is into that too, but manages to get HIM tied to the bedposts, and then gives his backside a really good whipping. Then she leaves town….WW11 so you can skip town easily and the plot doesn’t look silly…….but still I’d keep an eye on the restraints too……sorry to break up your conversation about all these songs….but a girl has to do what a girl has to do…… :-)

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 11:40 pm
    Permalink

    Thanks Rob. You have given me an idea though, I am going to dust off my copies of Alma Cogan’s “Bell Bottom Blue”s and The Holies “I Can’t Tell The Bottom From The Top”, and see if they really are as innocent as they are cracked up to be. :)

    Reply
  • 18 July, 2007 at 11:56 pm
    Permalink

    Yes, do that. I’m listening to songs in a new way myself. Driving along yesterday, and in what seemed a very sweet little song, I heard “to share our secret worlds…” and my spanko mind wondered what secret world she was talking about…..

    Reply
  • 19 July, 2007 at 1:41 am
    Permalink

    Gerrard: And then at Pilates:

    “You give me something that makes me scared all right
    This could be nothing, but I am willing to give it a try…..

    Is this guy’s girl suggesting she whip him, and he is tyring to get his head around it??? :-)

    Reply
  • 5 September, 2007 at 7:30 pm
    Permalink

    I know it’s an oldie, but they did give the prize last night. Anyways, I have been re-organising my music over the last week or so, and found no end of what I haven’t heard in years. One such track, which I wondered about at the time was:-

    The Sundays – Here’s Where the Story Ends, what is all this about?

    “and it’s the memories of your shed that make me turn red
    surprise, surprise, surprise”

    “and who ever would’ve thought the books that you brought
    were all I loved you for
    oh the devil in me said, go down to the shed
    I know where I belong”

    At the time, I know what I thought of, and still do; some of our American friends might draw the same conclusions!

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Puella Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *