Just because the adjoining door separating our rooms is locked, it doesn’t mean that your room is soundproof.

Yes, I have heard the slapping noises at regular intervals over the past 48 hours. Very clearly.

No, I don’t think you’re clapping something on the TV: it’s too regular, too drawn-out, and the plaintive little feminine yelps after each smack leave little to my experienced imagination.

Yes, young lady: when we emerged from our rooms at the same time and found ourselves waiting for the elevator together, I did think you’d look good in school uniform.

And yes, he is a lot older than you, isn’t he?

No, please don’t stop. I’m sure she deserves it.

And no, I’m sure she didn’t sit at all comfortably at dinner last night. And the restaurant had hard wooden chairs, you say? What a shame…

No, I’m sure you’re not enjoying being spanked. You doesn’t look like one of those perverts…

You know, I can recommend just the place in Chinatown if you want to find a nice authentic local implement with which to stripe her – or I have a plentiful supply if you’d care to send her next door to ask politely for a caning.

And don’t worry: I won’t tell a soul.

PS We’re having great fun commenting on the drawing that Haron posted the other day – do click on the link and tell us what *you* think’s going on in the sketch!