The delights of short-sightedness
Posted by Abel on 24 Sep 2007 at 07:47 am | Tagged as: Other Stuff
My eyesight’s definitely going. (No comments about age, please. OR ELSE!). I didn’t take my glasses with me to Singapore, as I don’t really use them other than for driving and to look authoritative in scenes. That led to me discovering an interesting benefit of being increasing short-sighted, via a couple of interesting startles as my brain inserted the phrase it instinctively thought should be there into the words I was actually reading.
First up, a shocking discovery in the hotel’s club lounge, when I spied an astonishing magazine:
“Spanking and Finance”.
(”Banking”, obviously, as my eyes adjusted).
And then – admittedly not spanking-related, but what the heck… One of the subways on Orchard Road, the main shopping street, is plastered with adverts showing an attractive naked woman. The slogan? “Brazilian waxing.” Only yours truly quite genuinely read it the first time as “Brazilian wanking”.
I tried to find said advert on the web for you, but without success. Instead, I did happen to discover one of the wittiest sites ever, promoting said waxing services to Singaporean women. My favourite heading? “250,000 Bushes Pruned”!
-------Now you can buy a book of the best entries from "The Spanking Writers".
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Welcome to my world! My eyes aren’t the best, and also not down to age. I think its some sort of predictive reading syndrome, where you see something, and the brain automatically inserts the word you “want” to be there! I had one the other day with “Perverted Ronaldo Sees Red”; was actually “Provoked”
Anything with Spark and Sparkling often gets my attention.
Aw Abel, the first thing that came up in my mind was teasing you about your age! How come you saw it coming? Now there’s no fun in it anymore…
I think I’m going to sulk in a corner now.
You still can Kate… there’s just an “Or Else” involved. If it makes you feel any better Abel, I have the same problem with hearing. You hear the most interesting things when you’ve only got about 70 percent of normal hearing… “Wait, did you just say you’re going to take the cat to bed?” The VET the VET!!!
Well the ‘Or Else’ Was enough to stop me from making age quips, mind you I frequently get on the wrong tube because I can’t read the signs from far away, that can make for an interesting journey(and being very late..)
My eyes work perfectly fine, but even I see strange things sometimes. It does make life more interesting, and interesting conversations can follow. I found myself talking to one of my former collegues a while ago about how his mother used to break those wooden spoons you use for cooking on his and his brothers’ backside, and I’m quite sure he is 100% vanilla…
Oh, and Abel, you do remember what I said about those hearing aids…? I mean, if your eyesight is already going, it won’t be long before…
Okay, fine. I just couldn’t resist!
Oh yeah and acutally they do deals for OAP’s on glasses, buy one get one free on bifocals and varifocals.
Heheheheheh
Well, if it’s not old age, I can think of something else that can cause the eyesight to fail.
Too many solo trips, with noisy (spanking) neighbours to up the ante, perhaps?
lol…this made me smile.
I was quite enjoying the “not too bothered about OR ELSE” comments until I remembered that I’m older, blinder and probably deafer than Abel…
Oh Sarah, but please do remember that the process goes way faster with men than with women. I mean, they get bald as well (say Abel, are you losing your hair already? There is an excellent cure for that, which I’ve frequently seen my grandfather use…). You can be 50 and still look better than a 40 year old! Don’t you just love being a woman?
LOL I’m in a no-win position here, aren’t I? I’m either old or… Littlenic, how rude are you?!
I do have this strange image of all of us short-sighted, hard-of-hearing, balding (no I’m not, Kate, and comparisons between me and your grandfather are just cruel!) spankos wandering the country… Misreading signs, getting onto the wrong trains etc. It’s a wonder that any of us manage to find the target with the cane, really!
I confess to being particularly amused by how it took Evie five hours between posts to pluck up the courage to brave my ‘or else’!
I find a long distance ‘or else’ is easy to brave, takes me the 5 hours to realise that perhaps I should have thought about the times when the man with the cane is within striking distance and has a good memory…
What? What? I was just talking about the perils of watching too much TV in darkened hotel rooms.
Why, what were you thinking of?
It’s not my fault that your scary, Abel!
Sarah - and then, I guess, you have the period of contemplation during which you can worry about how good his memory is?
Littlenic - I was simply horrified that you were so rude as to think I ignored my parents’ advice that if I didn’t eat my carrots while growing up, I might end up with poor eyesight.
Evie - Me? Scary? I am so misunderstood…