Most of the hotel staff we have encountered so far speak decent enough English that communication problems only led us to ripping out our hair in frustration three or four times. There have been some funny and puzzling signs on walls and letters through the door, but on the whole, the bad old British Empire has clearly left its mark.

It can’t be easy, though, to take care of foreign hotel clientele. There must have been some wrinkles to smooth out before now.

Take, for example, the sign for “the paddling pool”. Having had it installed, the estates and buildings department may have forgotten to inform the poolside services department of what exactly the sign meant. The whirpool was easy, the infinity pool was strange, but explicable; what about the paddling pool?

The departmental manager got busy with the dictionary. Clearly, you could not do any rowing in there, it was altogether too shallow. Hmm, he thought, it must be that other meaning. Oh, well; foreign tastes and customs were odd, but cater to them he must.

After this, new guests who leafed through the hotel services directory, would be struck dumb by the following entry:

Catering to all your disciplinary needs, our new Paddling Pool is superbly equipped for the purpose. Use your own implements or rent ours, or, for a special occasion, treat yourself from the fabulous range at the souvenir shop in the lobby.

Should you be travelling alone, our helpful staff will be only too happy to help if you require a partner for your paddling experience.