As far as spanking-related dreams go, this was one of the scarier ones: I spent last night being whipped by Forest Whitaker. While I imagine he’d probably be a fine spanker as himself, unfortunately, in my mind he is irrevocably tied to his Oscar-winning role of Idi Amin.

So yes: Idi/Forest was doing some evil dictatorial plotting in London, and I was sent undercover to spy on him, while pretending to be his loyal follower. To prove my love, I had to submit to all sorts of things, and to look like I was enjoying them. This included being spanked and whipped, and I also remember having to wash his feet (eww!)

Dear subconscious: if I must be abused by Oscar-winners, please make it Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, Rex Harrison as Professor Higgins, or even Adrien Brody as that pianist guy. No more whippings from evil dictators, OK?