My favourite radio show is the BBC’s Just a Minute. Sadly, the current series is about to come to an end on Radio 4: I am in mourning. Contestants have to talk – humorously – for 60 seconds ‘without hesitation, repetition or deviation’ on a topic which they’re given at random. Easy as it may sound, it proves to be one of the ultimate tests of comic talent, especially given the wit of the other contestants seeking to find grounds for interruption.

As the theme music – The Minute Waltz, of course - faded away the other night, a devious idea presented itself for another application of the tune. The girl would be bent over, in position, bared. Her father would cajole the gramophone into life (this predating CDs by decades: I’m thinking colonial drawing rooms, here).

As the crackling music burst forth across the room, he would deliver the first stroke of the cane. And he would continue, whacks at very regular intervals, until the final cut landed in harmony with the final note of the Waltz. The recording would serve a triple purpose, timing the severity of her punishment to perfection, allowing her to track its progress (as the tune would doubtless become well-known over time), and offering her a modicum of privacy as the music kept her cries from the ears of the servants.

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Now you can buy a book of the best entries from "The Spanking Writers".