Oh, how conscious I am that for English gentlemen of a certain age, today’s must be the most wonderful post title ever. And, what’s more, it is a true story that I must bring to your attention. (US readers and the younger whippersnappers out there might need it pointing out that Miss Kendal was by some way the cutest actress on TV in the seventies and early eighties. And would still be so were she to appear today, I have no doubt).Haron and I were sitting in our local pub a little while back with Sarah, and I commented that their bookshelves were invariably a source of kinky inspiration To prove the point, I grabbed a copy of “White Cargo”, our heroine’s 1998 autobiography, which deals extensively with her upbringing as the daughter of travelling actors in India.

Soon, she is describing how the family’s maid, Mary, “would smack my bottom, before the kissing and cuddling would break out.”

Before long, she recounts how her mother “reigned over us in cool, crisp cotton.”

“I never disobeyed her; no sensible person would dream of questioning her gentle commands. She never raised her voice and there was no hysteria, just quiet control…. She rarely lost her temper, and only once did she do so with me, when she took a Mason Pearson hairbrush to my bare bottom. Whatever it was I did, I never did it again.”

Oh, how Mason Pearson owe us for that little advertisement!

Stay tuned, dear readers, for coming soon is young Felicity’s account of her schooldays, which certainly do not disappoint.

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