I must stop dreaming of reform schools. The latest? “Reformatory Idol”.

Yes, dear readers, the entire synopsis for a game show series revealed itself in my slumber. A dozen girls, competing for early release and a prized post on the staff of some distinguished aristocrat. Each week, a different skill to be mastered: folding linens, setting tables, ironing… all of the essentials for a well-trained maid in a good household.

Each week, one tearful contestant would be eliminated. The coverage would show the week’s instruction, the contest in which they demonstrated their newfound skills – and footage from the girls’ lives in the reformatory.

No doubt one unfortunate would earn herself a caning during the week. The camera team wouldn’t be allowed to film the punishment itself, of course. Rather, we’d see the girl waiting outside the master’s office; we’d hear the sounds of each stroke (clearly audible through the door); we’d watch as she emerged, wiping away the tears.

Mr Cowell? I have a proposal for you…