I would like to pose an afterthaught,

maried 39 years totaly faithfull and had a mixed vanila / spanko sex life with my wife. sudenly due to illness no more anything, the height of our sex is a sweet caress and a kiss and cudle. the mental torture of not being able to do what we did before is worse than any phisical punishment. and I will remain faithfull as promised till death do us part. what ever your sex life is treasure it and have respect for each others needs.

P.S. Must add find ‘Spank me’ t-shirt to the to-do list.

Ms Betty – great post, and your activities sound extremely hot. I wasn’t being critical of vanilla couples – far from it: making value judgements about others’ preferences is something I try and avoid. It was more (in my slightly tongue-in-cheek way) a thought that if one isn’t incorporating kinky stuff into the bedroom, then one either has to spend more time doing everything else – or the whole bedroom routine must be over much quicker!

“Vanilla” sex can have it’s own deep intensity, and long lasting anticipation and pleasures.

For example, it may start with an evening or afternoon out. While walking around, sitting at dinner, going back and forth there is playful banter, subtle suggestions of what is to come later, desires whispered against a lover’s ear.

Then there may be quick passes made,gentle caresses, teasing with fingers as well as words all mixed in with deep kisses.

By the time the door is closed at home the slow burn that has been burning all evening has become a raging fire. Clothes may be pulled off in a hurry as they tumble on the bed, but even then the time is taken to explore each other’s bodies thoroughly before getting to the act itself.

During the sex itself they may stopped the frantic thrusting a few times and just be there joined together feeling what it means to be that close. “Foreplay” in the sense of nipples teased and deep kissing may continue all the way through intercourse.

Or that’s how my husband and I do it, anyway.

I think the key is not to assume that just because no one picks up a cane or a strap that a couple does not know how to enjoy each other. Yes there is too much bad sex in the world, but there is plenty of good sex out there, too. The definition of “good” sex should be sex that is fully satisfying to both partners. It is a mistake to assume that what is satisfying will be or even should be exactly the same for every couple in the world.

Ms. Betty

It’s why vanilla men need to be taught “Don’t just rush to the clitoris — give her a kiss, first!” [grins] But seriously — kinky people understand foreplay way better than vanilla people do!!!

But finally, you might recognize a certain amount of “vanilla” sex. Because a very high percentage of people in the world have a pair of handcuffs beside the bed, maybe a blindfold as well, and they just call what they do “vanilla” because they don’t want to be labled “kinky” for whatever reason….