Asking for trouble?
Posted by Abel on 05 Jul 2008 at 06:48 am | Tagged as: In the Neighbourhood
We recently had the pleasure of meeting someone who comments regularly here on Spanking Writers. She turned out to be quite as delightful in real life as she is when contributing to the blog.
Delightful… and bratty, that is. So perhaps I should have known better when she texted me yesterday morning:
Please please please get today’s Daily Mail and go to page 22/23. Please? Pretty pretty please?
I responded positively, grateful for the tip and curious as to what this fabulous two-page expose could be about. A sympathetic history of kink through the ages? A celebration of some obscure disciplinary anniversary (“It was exactly a hundred years ago today that the first shipment of rattan arrived in the UK from Asia”)?
So Haron and I drove down into the local town, parked up, headed for the newsagent, bought the Daily Mail, turned excitedly to the article. Headlined…
“So are you a wrinkly yet”
… the author “takes a wry look at growing old”. The symptoms of old age apparently include “your knees buckle but your belt won’t”, “you begin every sentence with the word ‘nowadays’”, and the safe knowledge that you’d get out “in a hostage situation – they’re more likely to keep the young, pretty ones.”
Needless to say, I was decidedly unimpressed and reached for my phone, texting:
You are in *so* much trouble, young lady…
I could hear the laughter from the other end of the country:
Me? Why? Whatever for? Hehe
Now, I’m a great believer in democracy. So rather than reach straight for a cane, I thought I should consult the readers of the blog. How do you think the incident should be dealt with when we next see your badly-behaved fellow correspondent?
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Oh this is hilarious!!!! Whoever it was that thought of this, thank you! Sure made me smile
Perhaps you could buy her a bag of sweets and an ice-cream… for giving us a good laugh (even if I’m more of a wrinkly than you!):)
Perhaps a demonstration that your belt can indeed be buckled would be more in order here. Or, more to the point, unbuckled. Pulled slowly and menacingly through your belt loops. Folded. Snapped several times with great ceremony. Smartly applied to your young hostage’s bare bottom, repeated as necessary. And perhaps another half dozen times for good measure.
Sadly, she might not notice how easily your belt can be replaced and buckled while she’s trying not to fidget in the corner.
On the other hand, she might like that. So perhaps she should be made to write lines. “I will show greater sensitivity to my middle-aged friends, at least as long as their memory remains unimpaired.” A thousand times should be a good start.
Do a roleplay scene where she’s a misbehaving oldie in a retirement home - and has to dress for the part? Maybe the humiliation will calm her down - or the numerous and hard whackings because “Well, Mrs X, at your age I’d expect much better behaviour, and with your years of experience, you can certainly take more than a young whippersnapper”.
Too weird? Oh well.
I like Sarah’s idea of sweets and ice cream. Do that!!!
Mwahaha… perfect! I think I’m going to have to have a cold shower or something because I can’t stop laughing!
Ahem. I agree with Indiana that a belt would be the most appropriate thing to be used here. But then again, if that belt is as old as you I’m not sure it would be up for the job anymore…
Oh, I like Littlenic’s suggestion, especially the clothing! Don’t forget the food, though. I’m sure being forced to eat food suitable for those whose few remaining teeth have seen better days would quite naturally lead to bad behavior…
Indiana! Shut up!! Can’t you learn from Sarah (who is wonderful and kind and not at all wrinkly) and suggest something nice?!
I have to say, I think the bigger crime was having read the Daily Mail in the first place…
Fiona hits the nail right on the head… I mean, I’d be far less embarrassed buying a top-shelf magazine than I was buying the Mail…
Sounds like the belt is winning. And not just for the original culprit…
Noooooo, the belt is in a tie with ice cream! Kate and Indiana said belt. Sarah and I both said ice cream!! Count properly, Abel!
(And what’s wrong with the Mail?)
Oh it was you, Smudge? I thought it was Evie.
Just kidding, Evie!
And Smudge? I think you’re forgetting that Abel gets a vote, too. So I suspect he broke the tie himself.
OK, I’ll shut up now. Though I did think the belt *was* a nice suggestion!
Your well-meaning wrinkly “Auntie”,
Indy
p.s., I thought it was funny as hell. Especially the bit about Abel and Haron buying the Daily Mail.
Me? No, never. I’m real nice to the elderly. Twas my evil twin (you got that, Abel? Evil twin! She’s invisible. If you can find her, you can spank her…) And where is Evie? I need her to vote for ice cream! Unless my oh-so-lovely new Auntie decides to be nice, and change her vote…? (please???)
I’ll put in a vote for belt first, and then ice cream to follow (which is a perfect food for both the elderly and callous youth alike!)
I’ll vote ice-cream on Evie’s behalf. I believe she’s on her well-earned post-exam holidays at the moment. I’m sure she’d have done exactly the same as Smudge, lol.
as it was so funny, I’d go for ice cream too. Better get used to eating that kind of stuff abel.
sorry abel, but I was just kidding
Yes, I think Zille has the right idea, belt first then cuddles and ice cream. Sorry, dear, but you know we only want what’s best for you. *WEG*
*Grin*
Shame I already voted once. But what should really happen of course, is the belt first, ice cream after that, and the ice cream somehow ending up sliding down Abel’s back to make up for the pain he caused you. It would be vital to do that in a way that the only explanation possible is that Abel had a brief moment of insanity (age-related, obviously) and poured it over himself. He should even have to make up for stealing your ice cream for the purpose and buy you loads more! But I suppose he would whack you again after that, even though it wasn’t your fault at all.
OK, I’ll stop trying to corrupt you even more.
I like Kate
I’m more than happy to throw ice cream at Abel. So long as you take the blame.
I vote for the belt, but also for the sweets and ice cream, particularly because the if Smudge is the young lady concerned, she never fails to make me smile with her comments.
Auntie Indy? Hmmmm.
Hel-low!
Smudge, I promise I’ll take the blame. No matter what the consequences may be. But PLEASE throw ice cream at him and send me a picture! Please please please, pretty please! It would sooooo make my day!
Well last time the readers of this blog got to vote on my fate (for not putting my clocks forward!), there was no mention of ice cream at all, only spankings and canings - sadists! So, following that precedent, I think the belt would be appropriate - as Fiona says, it’s highly unreasonable to lure someone into paying good money for a copy of the Daily Mail under false pretences. Besides which, we’d all like to read the report of the punishment, I’m sure
Littlenic - your granny roleplay scenario is seriously sick! I could add so many sick little details to the basic premise…but I shall resist!
Kate - sure! Make sure you tell Abel, though, okay? Cos I don’t entirely trust him to just accept it…
Throwing all this ice cream around is going to turn into a big cold sticky mess!
Why not, then, pull out all the stops and have a full-fledged, all-tilt food-fight!
Invite us all to join you, and then we can share in the aftermath of consequential *fun* that follows such mass unruliness… (It might take some of the heat off you, anyway…)
But… I don’t want to get dirty! I’d rather just throw ice cream at Abel…
And Kate - I don’t mind if he doesn’t give me ice cream. I am more than happy to get some myself. Just so long as you make sure he knows that you’re the one who has to get in trouble for it!!
Haron usually uses a nice cooling cream to soothe her bottom after she’s been spanked. But if you girls all insist on ice cream instead….