I nearly choked on my toast at breakfast this morning. An advert appeared on the TV for Kit Kats; as I drooled at the thought of chocolate, the voiceover proudly announced the brand’s new prize competition: “You could win your dream holiday.”

Really?

I mean, really?

OK. So there’d be the limo to take me to the airport. A school bus would draw up at the terminal at the same time; the twenty or so kinky girls who’d be joining me on vacation would step off, and line up for a uniform inspection.

We’d fly first class, of course. The luxury resort would be perfect: we’d have the run of the place to ourselves. There’d be lessons and spankings and fine dining and spankings. And the hotel maids would have to be on their very best behaviour, lest they too found themselves over my knee.

And all for the price of a chocolate biscuit…