I was listening to the radio while doing some work, and heard a discussion about being a step-parent. The listeners were invited to phone in with their ideas of how they think the relationship with a stepchild should go. “How do you discipline your stepchild?” the presenter asked, among other things.

I imagined my ideal stepfather calling in. He would say, “I love Haron, and she knows it. But if her behaviour lets her down, I don’t hesitate to put her over my knee. She knows that too.”

The presented would ask, “Do you have to do this frequently?”

“More frequently than she would like, of course; often enough to do the young lady some good. She isn’t a bad girl, on the whole, but I find that a strict routine and consistent discipline brings out the best in her.”

The presenter would agree whole-heartedly with this sound approach.

Me, I would listen to the radio, cringing, hoping that none of my friends from school hear it.