Jeremy Clarkson reminisced about his school days in the last Sunday Times:

We all used to be beaten fairly regularly at school until a friend discovered a way of ensuring it would never happen again. Having been caught – oh, I don’t know – walking across the ruins in home clothes, or some such nonsense, he was summoned to the master’s study and ordered to bend over a chair, whereupon he lowered his trousers to reveal he was wearing a pair of black satin girl’s knickers. And then, to fluster the poor man still further, after the first thwack he moaned softly for “more”.

Be assured the next five lashes were more like taps and from then on the beatings stopped.

Seriously, what a wuss that teacher must have been. If I tried this trick with any of my regular teachers, he would calmly grip the cane firmer, and endeavour to thrash me hard enough that any thoughts of pleasure escaped my head.

Oh, wait – they do it anyway…