Amsterdam’s vile porn

Rembrandt Square in Amsterdam sounds as though it should be full of artists painting elderly ladies, against a dark backdrop of old townhouses. Instead, it hosts a somewhat run-down flea market

I’d been pondering the idea of buying a pair of old wooden skates, which had real potential as an unconventional spanking implement. (Girls come home late in the snow, get warmed up…). I decided against it, unsure whether the blades would be permitted on my return flight.

So I moved on to the next stall along, which just happened to consist of large boxes of porn DVDs, sorted by genre. I rifled through the S&M box, noting the titles:

“Prefects’ spanks”
“Punishment at home”
“British amateur spanking”
“English punishment series 3”
“Hit me please”
“Neil Sedaka – Live in Birmingham”

Yes, really. It does seem a tad cruel that watching said gig is now officially classed as masochist.

8 thoughts on “Amsterdam’s vile porn

  • 27 May, 2009 at 6:36 pm
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    This gave me a much needed chuckle earlier, thank you!

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  • 27 May, 2009 at 7:49 pm
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    Made me more than chuckle…made me splutter minestrone cuppa soup all over the place with laughter. Messy! Worth the clean up operation!

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  • 27 May, 2009 at 9:33 pm
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    Tom Jones, I could see, or Engelbert Humperdinck (I always thought it sounded like a porn name). But Sedaka? :(

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  • 29 May, 2009 at 12:09 am
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    24 hours later and still making me laugh… I should get a life!

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  • 29 May, 2009 at 8:52 pm
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    Are you familiar with the hard rubber blade guards that hook onto modern figure skates? I usually see skaters putting them on when leaving the ice, to walk on concrete (or the tile floor of a bathroom) without damaging floors or skates. Those are fairly effective spanking implements–even easier to grip than a ruler and very controllable. I don’t think of them as things for outdoor skating parties, but they would be very appropriate for “You clearly haven’t been practicing. You must need a reminder to take your skating lessons more seriously.” Or even, “How many times do I have to tell you to dry the blades and put the cloth covers on when you get home? You say you’re sorry, you say you care about those expensive skates, but you don’t seem to care if they rust in wet guards. I’m sick and tired of wasting my breath. Maybe this will make you pay attention.”

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  • 31 May, 2009 at 9:32 am
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    Any mention of Amateur Spanking always gets me laughing – presumably they miss a lot of the time.

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  • 3 June, 2009 at 10:10 pm
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    I stayed on Rembrandt Square during the last world cup! Many fond memories, actually… :) And now a chuckle to add to them.

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