That’s what the news headline in the Vancouver Sun said: “Megan Fox gets spanking from Transformers director Michael Bay.”

I got terribly excited when I read that, but it was in vain: what actually happened is she said something he didn’t like, and he made his disapproval known to the public. That’s all.

No, no, Vancouver Sun, that’s not what a spanking is.

A spanking is what I’m imagining happening to Ms Fox, over Michael Bay’s knee, right in the middle of the film set. With his hand slapping her bottom, and her legs kicking in the air. That’s a spanking, see?