From the last Observer we learned about a pair of scientists who tried to figure out on what day of the week people were happy or unhappy about their lives:

The pair studied 2.4 million blogs written during the past four years and awarded each a score on a scale of one to nine based on words used that bear meaningful emotional content.

A handy table gives us examples of what words were considered happy or sad.

Happy words: “Affection”, “fun”, “rainbow” and so on. Sad words: “Cruel”, “useless”, “hurt”, “slave”…

Wait, what? You’re on the wrong Internet, messrs scientists. On my Internet, “hurt” and “slave” are words of play, intimacy and fun. They mean a weekend well-spent, they mean special bonds, they mean happy experiences.

Ah, well. Maybe there’s a note in the end of the experiment write-up: “Results are not valid for dirrrrty pervert blogs.”