Ever get authors who are loved by reviewers and readers, but whose writing just doesn’t work for your? Garcia Marquez, McEwan (at least his more recent novels), Rushdie and Rowling all fall into that camp for me. I’ve tried – honestly, I have. But despite numerous attempts to get into their books, I just can’t connect.

Monica Ali seems to be destined to become another on the list. “Brick Lane” was adored by everyone but me. Her latest (“In The Kitchen”) has received widespread acclaim, and so I thought I’d try it. Bored after 20 pages, stumbling over prose that didn’t flow evenly into my mind, I started skipping by page 30, and abandoned it on page 50.

There was, though, one wonderful passage, describing the history of the fictional Imperial Hotel, in which the novel is set:

“Following the respectability and ‘discreet luxury’ of the Victorian era when the smoking and billiards rooms kept the ladies out of harm’s way, the Imperial enjoyed a roaring twenties reputation for dance, decadence and statutory rape… In 1922, in a case widely reported, Tyrone Banks (best-known picture Heave Ho!) was caught with his pants down and three under-age flappers beneath the silken sheets. The escapade remained curiously omitted from the hotel brochure.”

Sadly, Ali sets her tale amidst the hotel’s staff in contemporary times – rather than writing the scandalous story of the 1920s Imperial. But we can fill in the gaps.

Sir Gerard Montague-Smythe, with his infamous kinky parties in suite 402 (involving requests to the hotel to supply his room with freshly-cut birches). Lord Rochdale and the succession of demure ‘daughters’ who came to visit, leaving with tears in their eyes and their hands on their bottoms.

The visiting Crown Prince who caused scandal by stripping and whipping a pair of hotel maids who’d left his room untidy. The famous movie starlet, waving from her balcony to the fans below, only moments after her manager had punished her for missing an audition.

Or, of course, Mr. Parr – the feared General Manager. His one-page policy on The Corporal Punishment of Female Staff was handed to all new staff and administered with vigour by his managers and supervisors. And he was the first of the great hoteliers of the era to insist that a crook-handled cane be hung in the wardrobe of every room lest guests needed to deal with any indiscipline they might encounter during their stay.