Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s latest novel, “Memories of My Melancholy Whores”, has produced a fair amount of controversy. (Opening line: “The year I turned ninety, I wanted to give myself the gift of a night of wild love with an adolescent virgin.”)

They’re filming it in Hollywood at the moment, and I’m wondering whether they’ll transfer the whole story onto the big screen – specifically, page 14:

“I began teaching classes in Spanish and Latin at three different public secondary schools at the same time. I was a poor teacher, with no training, no vocation, and no pity at all for those poor children who attended school as the easiest way to escape the tyranny of their parents. The only thing I could do for them was to keep them subject to the terror of my wooden ruler.”

Nobel-prize winning spanking literature! See, only the classiest stuff round here…