Abel called me from the kitchen in his “I’m about to smack you” voice. When I arrived, I saw that he was grinning from ear to ear, and also that he was hiding something behind his back.

“Bend over,” he said, very pleased with himself. “Hands on your knees.”

I obeyed.

Something invisible swung up and cracked down, leaving quite intense, not unpleasant sting.

“Ow?” I asked.

Another two strokes, in quick succession. This time I yelped with more conviction.

“Very good,” said Abel. “You can stand up. Do you like my new implement?”

And he produced from behind his back the single least romantic kitchen pervertible my bottom has ever encountered.

Any guesses what it was?

Don’t bother trying, I’ll tell you.

It was an empty tube from a roll of baking foil.

!!!

Some things make excellent spanking implements, but must, nevertheless, never ever be used as such. Ever.