Today being Sunday, I was hoping to sleep late, but unfortunately I was woken up way too early by the neighbours’ dog barking its head off.

I’m convinced that the dog was disturbed by the neighbours’ pair of teenagers trying to sneak out for the day. (I like to think there’s a boy and a girl, maybe 17 and 16.) Some of their friends are going on a day-trip to the woods with some guitars and alcohol, but these kids’ parents have said no to this last pre-school adventure.

Reasoning that they’d just get up and go, and face the consequences later, the pair tried to get out of the attic window, onto the roof of the garage, onto the fence, then down and away. They hadn’t reckoned on the dog getting so very excited to see them as they carefully climbed down.

Discovered by Dad in the act of sneaking out, they were unceremoniously marched inside by their ears. “What do you think you’re doing?” their father asked. “Leaving the house by the window? Is there a fire?”

“Mmm-no,” the girl would mumble.

“Well, there’ll be a fire soon. On your behinds. Over the back of the sofa, both of you.”

The pair of teenagers looked at each other miserably, each wondering how they would live down the shame of their sibling seeing them spanked. They’ve been spanked often enough, it’s true, but not in front of each other – not since they were in primary school.

Their dad, meanwhile, had no qualms. He marched briefly into the kitchen and emerged with a small wooden cutting board with a convenient grip handle.

“Oh, Dad!” the boy exclaimed, seeing this.

“Face in the cushions, and I don’t want to hear any nonsense from either of you.”

The father paddled the two behinds with thoroughness and zeal. The kids yowled their pain and embarrassment into the sofa cushions.

Out in the yard, the dog was barking happily, thinking they were talking to him.

I reckon that’s why I didn’t hear any paddling or crying sounds. The dog was too loud.