Yesterday morning I heard the postman shove the mail through the letter box, and went to see what we’d got. On top of the small pile of letters I saw an upside-down advertising leaflet; I was too far to see what it was offering, but the keyword kind of jumped at me.

Here’s what I saw:

Wow, really? I thought. Somebody must have heard about my adventures in switching, and now I get targeted junk mail. That’s efficient.

Except… that wasn’t quite it. When I came nearer and turned the leaflet right side up, it was far less exciting:

No, no. I don’t want my subs in the oven. Or in any of the variety of flavours. Or, in fact, made out of dough. Human submissives only, please, with nice spankable bottoms. Thanks.