A photo has been doing the rounds on Tumblr of a display of paddles in an American store:
Someone recently worked out what store it is, from the signage, and a little further investigation reveals further details online:
It’s apparently an “Unfinished Wood Paddle 23 7/8 x 5.5 x .75” with a “Great surface for a variety of crafting techniques”. Crafting, eh? Interesting euphemism for corporal punishment…
Shoppers are invited to: “Be the first to write a review”. Oh, how I wished I lived in the States to go out and purchase one, and make a girl submit that review. In detail.
And that really is rather thick wood. I pity the poor girls of the neighbourhood. Actually I don’t! I’m imagining a girl being taken to the shop after misbehaving. “Pick two,” she’d be told, “just in case the first one breaks.”
She’d be made to present the products at the counter; to pay for them out of her pocket money. “No, there’s no need to put them in a bag,” the assistant would be told. The walk back to the parking lot would be the longest of her life, praying no-one they knew would see them. The drive home – the paddles sitting on her lap – would pass in silence. And when they got back through the front door, she would be sent upstairs to wait and contemplate: “Take them with you to your room. I will come and deal with you in an hour’s time…”
Oh boy! Poor girl!
3/4″ (.75) is too thick for a spanking paddle, although some have been built that way. I really have to wonder if maybe they do have another use in mind – too short for kayaking, though. Wood paddles should vary from 5/16″ to 1/2″ (8mm – 12mm) – to me, anything thicker is just laziness (3/4″ is standard board thickness in the U.S. – good for stairways, but too hard on bottoms). Get out that saw and resaw the piece down to 3/8″!