Parties and play and me

In a couple of weekends’ time, we’re off to the World Spanking Party.

Much of me is looking forward to the event. The organisers are fabulous people; we have a few very dear friends going, and seeing them is reason enough to want to go. Most of all, Emma Jane and I only really tend to play in group situations these days, so I’m especially looking forward to that: in itself, that’s filling me with eager anticipation.

The rest of me? Well, parties and me don’t always go together: my introvert side kicks in, and the thought of approaching strangers to play fills me with nerves.

Take Shadow Lane last year – which, admittedly, wasn’t helped by the presence of a few of the scene folks for whom I have the very least respect. Over several days in kinky company, I only spanked one ‘stranger’ – someone who wandered into a gathering in our suite, bent over the table for a tawsing, and left (happy!) not long after. Yet the venue was full of other kinky folks. EJ even told one of them that I wanted to spank her but was too shy to ask; the young lady in question agreed that it would be fun; I was still too hesitant.

Why, I wondered? Partly, striking up the “I would like to spank you” conversation face-to-face with someone new is often just too tough for my (usually well-hidden but really rather strong) introvert side. Partly, it’s the resulting inexperience: these things have pretty much always been planned online in my play past. Partly it’s lack of physical self-confidence: I’m not naturally physically imposing, like some. That leads to insecurity, fear of rejection.

Partly it’s that spanking a stranger would inevitably be fairly frivolous, light-hearted – whereas I far prefer to play scenes, and I need there to be a real connection with someone if roleplay isn’t to be involved. And partly it’s fear of upsetting a new play partner by being too hard – meaning that I’d be excessively cautious, and a top lacking confidence isn’t an effective top. And I find it hard saying no when people with whom I don’t strike up a rapport seem to want to play with me.

Deep down, I can’t help hoping I’ll find the self-belief to wander up to folks; to invite them to play; to discuss what they and I might like; to enjoy a scene or administer a satisfying spanking. But I worry that shy me is going to hide in the corners and feel out of my depth.

5 thoughts on “Parties and play and me

  • 24 September, 2014 at 9:36 am
    Permalink

    How totally and refreshingly honest. I like it.

    Reply
  • 24 September, 2014 at 1:17 pm
    Permalink

    Perhaps you could try to contact people who will also be going via Fetlife? There’s a whole group on FL for the world spanking party. Asking someone if they might like to play in an online message is a lot less scary than doing it when you get there. And that way, if she says yes, you can plan a scene and it doesn’t have to be frivolous :-) And if she says no, it’s less embarrassing than in RL, too.

    I have told you time and time again that I adore you and that you are imposing and very sexy and that I wanted to play with you long before we did. And I’m not the only one. You shouldn’t let insecurity get to you. But, as an introvert, I understand that it’s hard… so maybe you should try contacting people online before you go to the party :-) And share this post on Fetlife – it’s practically an invite for girls who want to play with you to send you a message!

    I hope you have fun. I wish I could be there xx

    Reply
  • 26 September, 2014 at 3:07 pm
    Permalink

    I always have a difficult time imagining you lacking in confidence or being introverted/shy. That said, being physically imposing, at least to me, isn’t particularly worrying in general.

    I’m much more apprehensive being topped by someone mentally/intellectually imposing because that sort of top knows how to get into the part of my brain that will make me squirm and then slowly press on to wonderful, scary, impossible places that I may not even know exist until I’m there.

    Dominant men falling into this category make the butterflies turn bat-like because I know I won’t be able to escape in a way I could with someone who is simply a physical sort of top.

    I do understand that party play, unless set up in advance, leans to more lighthearted, sensation type play than the role play at which you excel. I agree that it is also difficult to say no as you don’t want to hurt feelings, but saying yes might be unsatisfying for both parties if it isn’t the right scene or sort of play.

    A lot of this is why I’ve struggled thinking about doing parties again to be honest. That and I’m painfully introverted in groups, more so with new people, and hate the thought of being that girl on the fringes paralyzed with fear while everyone else around me is having a great time.

    On the flip side, I’m amazed as someone who is incredibly shy, that I ever manage to have my bottom bared and smacked because it is, to me, an extroverted activity. I’m not sure if I’d ever have the confidence to do it with a group. Difficult enough 1:1 or 2:1. Though it is definitely a draw of school role play as meeting the Dean/Headmaster is a headspace where you’re very apprehensive about having your skirt raised…

    EM

    Reply
  • 13 October, 2014 at 11:59 am
    Permalink

    “I am not naturally physically imposing, like some. ” Were you a girl and I a top, I’d beat you for thinking that! I have yet to meet a girl who doesn’t want to get spanked by you or that thinks you are not handsome. AND you’re one of the smartest people I know.

    As for the rest of the post, I understand what’s it like to be around lot of people I don’t know, I’m an introvert myself.

    Hugs

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *