Disciplinary committees

A rather formal document received at work from a government body demanded that we:

“Describe the mechanisms you use to determine the severity of issues that arise in the normal course of business and how you determine to which formal committee they should be escalated.”

There was the real answer that the team with which I was working duly produced. And then there was the version I so wanted to write:

“We are well known for the severity of our disciplinary code. Any girl in our employment caught misbehaving will first be interviewed by her supervisor, who may punish her himself.

He also has the option of reporting matters to the Punishment Committee or directly to the Governor’s Committee. The former meets weekly, and determines the number of strokes of the cane that a young lady should receive for her misconduct. The latter convenes as when required, to review more serious incidents, and punishments are administered with the birch, in front of the miscreant’s colleagues.”