A quick pop into the National Portrait Gallery, for yet another look at Grayson Perry’s utterly magnificent “Map of Days” – a self-portrait in the form of a map of a walled city.
As ever, various school groups were touring the building. I imagined a couple of sixth-form girls, up from the provinces, deciding to sneak off back to the hotel in which the school trip was staying – perhaps via a hostelry or two en route.
They’d evade detection, if not suspicion. Until, that is, they handed in their essays the following week: “Describe the paintings in the gallery that had the biggest impact on you, and why you found them so impressive.”
Easy, you’d think – especially with the web to help them browse through the gallery’s collection. Unless, that is, they both wrote at length about a particular portrait that was out on loan in another city…
Called in in turn to the headmaster’s study. Mumbled excuses, contradicting each other’s stories. Both sent to wait outside, for five long, long minutes. And then summoned back in together to be caned – touching toes, side by side, trying to be brave as the strokes alternated between them, increasing in severity…