Theatrical spankings

Ever find yourself distracted by kinky thoughts in the theatre?

Take the musical we went to last weekend, in which the lead actress at one point danced in a rather revealing swimsuit. One imagined the rules being set out after the dress behaviour: “You obviously can’t go on stage marked. So we’ll keep a log of any misbehaviour or mistakes, and deal with matters when the run ends.” And the list would be pinned up in her dressing room, as a constant reminder.

But maybe, I thought, that was too generous. Far better, perhaps, in terms of discipline to merely punish her when needed. The shame of performing with a reddened backside from a spanking prior to the performance, or with stripes clearly visible, would surely incentivise any girl to behave well?

Then, a few nights later, I found myself at a (dire) production of a (dull) American play. At one point, a girl’s father returned home to find her out of bed, up late. In the script, he checked all was well and wished her a good night’s sleep. But how I wished the playwright had opted for the other obvious solution, in which he removed his belt…