The Spanking Writers

I’ve been sorting out our collection of implements, which had started spilling out alarmingly across the floor on my study at home. So off-putting to be disciplining a girl and to say “just pick a cane up from the pile on the floor”, rather than being able to turn to a carefully-sorted collection…

So, sort it I did. And whilst sorting it, I decided to photograph it. I thought some of you might be interested: a few out of sympathy for Haron’s backside, and rather more with rather meaner motives.

I’ll post the photos over the next few weeks:

• 12 canes
• 11 tawses or straps
• 12 whips and belts (plus one other item that crept in for wont of a better home)
• 8 paddles
• 10 crops
• 14 miscellaneous household items purchased specifically for illicit purposes

That makes 67 implements. And that excludes anything we own that wasn’t purchased explicitly as a spanking toy but that gets abused (such as hairbrushes), or anything that we’ve made (such as locally-cut birches), or (of course) hands.

Now, I wouldn’t want any of the implements to feel neglected. Let’s say they should each be used at least thrice a year. That works out at about four punishments for Haron per week.

Seems reasonable to me.

Anyway, more to follow in due course! Who knows, I might even let readers vote as to which implement they’d like me to use from each set, and get Haron to write about the results…

Anyone else fascinated by Word grids? Well, there’s a website where one can devise new puzzles. Here’s one I made earlier:

Words can appear vertically, horizontally, diagonally and even backwards. You should be able to find the following:

• the
• naughty
• schoolgirl
• was
• caned
• on
• the
• bare
• bottom
• by
• the
• strict
• headmaster
• who
• inflicted
• six
• of
• the
• very
• best

Yesterday’s slippering post has drawn a few comments, from “slippers are weird” to “slippers are hot”, and I feel the need to give my perspective.*

The slipper and its relative, the plimsoll, are not my favourite implements just because they are so damn painful. “So what?” I hear you ask. “Tawses and belts are painful. Canes are painful. Haribrushes are painful.” That’s right, and I like tawses and belts a lot less than I like the slipper, which is why I said it wasn’t my favourite, rather than that it was my least favourite.

The slipper has lots of advantages, which make it one of the hottest implements to fantacise about, to imagine other people get, etc.

Top 5 Reasons Haron Likes the Slipper:

1. It’s authentic for school scenes. It belongs in a school scene. I know people who’d been slippered at school. And I like school scenes.
2. Unlike the cane and the tawse, it’s a hell of a lot easier to aim, due to not being whippy. I’ve never heard of a slipper landing somewhere it hasn’t been aimed.
3. A slipper is all “thud” and little “sting”. I like “thud”.
4. It looks really hot laid across a round bottom encased in bottle-green school knickers, preparing to strike.
5. You can slipper somebody really fast, which makes them reach the state of “Oh My God” (identified by the culprit hanging limply over your knee) that much quicker.

Come to think of it, that last one can also been seen as a disadvantage.

Top 5 Reasons Haron Is Apprehensive About the Slipper:

1. When you get slippered really fast (impossible to do safely with other school-specific implements – a cane or a tawse) holding on to a degree of control is completely impossible. As part of said control is the ability to keep down the noise, the slipper is, therefore, not very neighbour-friendly.
2. It’s really bloody painful! (I can’t emphasize this enough. It is. Very painful.)
3. It may be hard for a top to judge just how painful the slipper is, because it looks fairly harmless. It’s imperative that you let the top know by every verbal and non-verbal communication method in your collection the impact of each individual thwack.
4. Thick rubber creates little raised blisters surprisingly quickly, and knocking heads off them can draw blood. I don’t get unduly freaked by bleeding, but it does put a stop to any further play, even if you’ve only just started, and it hasn’t actually started to hurt that much.
5. Man, are those freaking’ things *ever* painful!!

However, if you’re lucky, you may get cool tread marks. (I did once, before Abel – sorry, sweetie, I don’t believe that’s possible any more; that train’s done departed now.)

So there you are. Make your own conclusions, really; as you can see, I haven’t quite made up my mind on the issue of slippers, other than they are hot, and also painful.

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*Not the need need, you understand, just something I feel like writing about for the next few minutes.

Although we usually avoid viral memes that strike the blogging world, some things are impossible to avoid. One of these is Catmas (formerly BlogACatMas): a tradition wherein every first Friday in October is dedicated to posting pictures of cats.*

Thus, let us introduce our perverted animal. She insisted on helping Abel catalogue our toys:

* Not sure why there needs to be a special day for this, because people post pictures of their cats all the time anyway. But there you have it.

For those who have already looked up “spanking” in every available dictionary, may I introduce you to a Text To Speech machine.

You type in any phrase… and the thing says it back to you in any of a variety of voices, with a corresponding picture moving its lips in synch.

For some reason when I was on the page, the girl in the picture kept admitting to needing a spanking, and then kept begging to keep her panties on, and pleading for the spanking to stop. Shame they didn’t have a male picture that could issue orders.

Now, because this is a demo, you can only do 4 phrases at a time, but you can go in and out as many times as you like.

Make sure you do your chores first, or don’t go blaming me for what you get!

(Thank you, Kessily, for the priceless link.)

We were just watching the “Antiques Roadshow”,* and this little girl comes on, probably about 10 years old.

The specialist: So, what have you got here?
The Little Girl: It’s Gran’s collection of domestic brushes.

And what do you know? Twenty or so antique brushes of every possible kind and shape. Brushes for hair, and clothes, and carpets; polished wooden backs (some with inscriptions), pristine bristles, the sort of things that we would snap up for one purpose, and one purpose only: the smacking of bottoms. (Usually mine, obviously.)

The specialist: What’s so special about brushes?
The Little Girl: I like their texture and weight and bristles and…

Yes, I quite understand. It’s hard to explain to an antiques seller, but there is nothing quite as enticing as an old wooden brush with its years of imaginary disciplinary history. How can you not want to buy one the second you see it, even if you have ten others back at home?

The pride of the girl’s collection was this enormous square-backed brush the size of a paperback novel, which was supposedly meant for brushing fur coats. Guess what we’ll be looking out for on eBay.

(Abel’s really pleased. She had exactly the same carpet beater as he uses to punish me.)

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* In case you don’t know: a TV show wherein people who have stuff in the house they think might be old and valuable (as opposed to just old), bring it to specialists to value. The entertainment value is in a) looking at antiques b) marvelling at how a garish painted pot can be valued at 3000 pounds.

I spotted a fantastic item on eBay from one of our favourite sellers, closing very shortly. [Steps back to avoid the stampede].

this is a very interesting lot……it comprises a 2 tailed & 3 tailed tawse patters and a gladstone bag…….the tawses are 3 tailed 17 5/8″ long x 1 5/8″ wide x 3 /32″ thick & 21 3/4″ long x 1 3/8″ wide x 3/32″ thick…….they have a leather top which has a rubber backing…they would have given a pretty sharp sting in their own right but were used as samples….

my friend bought them from the daughter of the original owner and was told he had all sorts of different design patterns and took them to customers of whom many were schools in the late 1970s early 80s……..he transported them in his gladstone bag(which is much older) along with leather samples,so customers could choose style colour of leather and thickness etc as well as stamps or hanging holes/loops etc…….

she was told he had a thriving cottage industry at the time…..they are stamped sample 1a & 4b…in his workshop he had steel templates of all the designs and he simply cut round them……

a fascinating look into the past…..unfortunately the templates and other patterns were lost justt the 2 in the bag remained

How reminiscent of the cane maker that Haron described recently! One ponders the discussion on the morning of his visit:

“Remember, Headmaster: the tawse man is visiting today.”

“Of course, Mrs Benham. Line up four girls for me, would you, in case he has anything interesting that I need to try out? And could you speak to Mr. Price, please? I have a suspicion that he may have worn out his XH on the Upper Fourth last week.”

Shame that finances are too tight right now for me to bid!

The seller’s final caveat is worth noting lest any of you had started formulating perverted plans:

***please note this is NOT A FETISH ITEM…..IT IS A HISTORICAL/ COLLECTORS ITEM FROM OUR SOCIAL HISTORY AND IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE****

But of course.

I posted t’other day about a company manufacturing polo sticks, whose staff make an annual pilgrimage to remote areas to hunt down the rattan harvest. It made me ponder the origins of the use of this particular material for corporal punishment purposes.

I wonder who first looked at a length of rattan and decided, “That’s the material I’ve been looking for all this time. I must purchase some forthwith from the local farmers, and export it to the finest schools in the Empire.”

Perhaps tales were told of a few villages, deep in the forest , where the local girls were unusually well-behaved? “Head forty miles up river, old chap, hire a donkey, trek for two days – and you’ll come to the region in question.”

Or was it perhaps some marketing ploy in the mid-1800s by the farmers concerned: sitting round at their annual sales conference, brainstorming ways in which they could diversify away from an over-dependence on the furniture market?

Then again….. I’m reading a book at the moment about leisure in the Victorian era (“Consuming Passions” by Judith Flanders – very highly recommended). The opening chapter deals at length with the Great Exhibition of 1851 – that landmark event in the development of society and enterprise. Perhaps that was the moment at which the cane became popular: “Stand 498. A length of rattan from the east, designed for the discipline of young ladies.” Maybe the Prince Consort noticed it on one of his many visits to the Crystal Palace, and his patronage led to the gentlemen of the day placing large orders?

Speaking of the Victorians, and meandering aimlessly in my kinky thoughts, I’m reminded that I read a review of a CD by a new band the other day. They’re called “The Victorian English Gentlemen’s Club”. I can just imagine such an august body, gathering weekly in their splendid Pall Mall premises to try out the latest batch of canes purchased from the Exhibition. Their constitution would require them to bring with them any of their servant girls who may have misbehaved in the previous week, for discipline in front of the assembled group. Learned discussions on caning technique would follow, with proceedings written up into leather-bound books.

All this talk of caning is making me want to fetch Haron. A rare bout of tidying up last weekend before my parents came to stay means that our spare bedroom – usually impenetrably untidy – is completely clear. Acres of cane-swinging space. Seems a shame to waste it…

How about this for a job?

Twice a year we travel to Malasia, Indonesia and Singapur to find the best canes to be processed in Argentina.

We must reach remote locations near the jungle.

Canes grow far in the mountains.

When monkeys eat the fruit, their remainders fall on the ground as seeding for a new plant to grow.

Trials have been made to artificially grow the plant but the results have failed to live up to expentations.

Harvesters must travel for 15 days into the jungle to find the canes.

(Seems as though they make polo sticks, by the way. But I wonder if they do special orders?).

In “Shaman’s Crossing” by Robin Hobb, young Nevare looks back at his tutors:

One was a wizened old man with severely bound white locks and yellow teeth, who taught me tactics, logic, and to write and speak Varnian [...] all with the liberal use of a very flexible cane that never seemed to leave his hand.

This isn’t much of a startle – we’ve all seen more explicit caning references – but it sent me into a little daydream. “A very flexible cane” – is this better or worse than if it were less flexible? Would Nevare have preferred that?

I doubt it. In my experience, stiff implements (paddles, rulers, wooden spoons, stiff canes) are this much more painful than something supple and whippy. I’m sure there’s Newtonian physics involved in this.

…On the other hand, a less whippy cane might have broken, where this very flexible implement was able to continue doing its work. And of course, a sight of a cane flexed in the tutor’s hands – until its crooked handle meets the tip – is heart-stoppingly terrifying. A stiff cane just isn’t as dramatic.

It hurts more, though. Or does it?

Any thoughts?