The Spanking Writers

In one of the Yahoo groups we read there was a discussion about public spanking. A guy called Jonc101 talked about spanking a girl in front of a statue on Karl Marx’s tomb.

A typically cold, wintry London afternoon, we were wandering through the cemetery after a few beers at a Hampstead pub. We were already into a spanking relationship so it came as no surprise when I took her OTK, whipped up her long woolen skirt, slipped down her panties and started spanking her. Two elderly ladies walking a dog heard the sounds and had a glance before moving quickly on. We didn’t stay too long in case the bobbies might arrive, but the thrill was apparent in her cheeks for the rest of the day…all four cheeks, that is.

And, would you believe, old Karl Marx’s face never moved a muscle. Bloody humourless Commies!!!!

I’m afraid, this gave me some wholly inappropriate ideas. When I was a kid in Kiev, sometimes on holidays there would be a parade in what is now Independence square. The identical towers facing the square would each be decorated with an enormous portrait of Marx, Engels or Lenin, white faces on revolutionary-crimson background. These were truly gigantic sheets of fabric, covering the entire facades from the roof down. They came up a few days before the holiday – it was fun to watch them unroll, the faces uncrumpling, becoming human, becoming familiar.

If there was any smacking going on in the square, I’m sure the portraits would have seen it really well. They had pretty big eyes, and all. However, it would have been pretty inappropriate for them to start expressing their opinions on the subject of people being spanked in front of them, so just as well they didn’t start winking, or poking out their tongues, or laughing their fabric heads off.

I’m sure the statue of Marx on his tomb would have loved to have a giggle about what it saw, but it was simply too dignified for things like that.

A big ‘hello’ to all of you in tiny Thames Ditton. Yes, we know you’re reading. Let me explain.

Google’s cool new “Trends” page lists the leading locations from which people enter given search terms. (If you’re concerned that this may be a little “Big Brother”, then I’d tend to agree).

Searching on “spanking” gives the following Top Ten locations for the spanking-curious:

1. Thames Ditton – United Kingdom  
2. Milton Keynes – United Kingdom  
3. Brentford – United Kingdom  
4. Birmingham – United Kingdom  
5. Manchester – United Kingdom  
6. Dublin – Ireland  
7. Edinburgh – United Kingdom  
8. London – United Kingdom  
9. Philadelphia – United States  
10. Zurich – Switzerland

I giggled at the inclusion of Philadelphia. A few years ago, a US Immigration official checking my passport looked up at me and asked, “Have you ever visited Philadelphia.” I hadn’t. “You should, it’s lovely,” she told me, before allowing me into the country. Only now does the conversation – at last – make sense, although I am surprised that my proclivities are that obvious!

When one changes the search term to “corporal punishment”, suddenly Auckland (New Zealand) appears at number two, followed by three Australian cities in the top ten. South Africa is the top searching country. Are you southern hemisphere folks not into mere “spanking”, then?

We have surfed upon this beautiful entry over on Tea and Oranges

I heat the iron and test it.and my mind wanders to last night – on my hands and knees… trying to calm the giddy longing rising in me… giggling and fidgeting… twisting for a glimpse of you behind me

I shake out your shirt and lay it across the board.

“stay still” you say in your serious voice, and I do… I close my eyes and hear the sound of your watch unclicking from your wrist, the clack of it when you place it on the table and then… the sharp flick of a first light slap of leather across the back of my thighs

I flatten one sleeve and stroke the fabric down along the board with my palm.

And so she continues, making the most ordinary household job sound deliciously sensual.

I found myself nodding as I read the entry, because I too always daydream my way through domestic chores. I don’t think I’ve ever made it through five minutes of washing-up without getting two spankings and a good talking-to.

Abel irons his own shirts, though. I bet he doesn’t think about getting thrashed at the time.

One of the my favourite blogs out there is “The Adventures of Spanko Girl“. I’ve often seen bloggers quote lists of search engine terms that have been used to find their sites, but adored the latest entry here which used the search phrases as the basis for a short story. It kicked off as follows:

She stood waiting outside the Headmaster’s office, nervously playing with the hem of her skirt. People filed past and looked knowingly that this girl was in trouble…

The Fairchild Young Women’s Academy makes extensive use of corporal punishment. Our girls are spanked hard on their bare bottoms regularly…

He brought the cane down over and over again, leaving thin white lines of burning fire on her naughty bottom. She leaned hard over the chair, gasping for air, ..

She looked at the welts on her bottom left by the strap in a mirror, and watched him trace the outline of each fading mark with his fingertips.

Cool idea, really well executed. If you don’t know about the site, it’s worth a look!

Wow – that title on an email this morning from the wonderful Coco de Mer, my favourite kinky shop, was guaranteed to catch my attention!

If any of you are reading this in time to get to London this evening, you might want to pop along:

We invite you to be a part of the audience and watch as two wonderful women meet for the very first time… Both women have insatiable appetites- one who so loves to bind and the other who loves to be bound – the stunning dominatrix Midori and our highly talented corsetier Sian will meet at Coco de Mer to spank, to tie and to satisfy each others desires… Please bear witness (for free!) to the sensual creatures in their public displays of admiration…

5.30pm at 23 Monmouth Street on 5 May, if you’re interested. And if you do go, please let us know all about it.

I got paddled last night for no other reason than to try out a new implement Abel bought for us a few weeks ago.*

It’s an enormous tyre paddle.

More specifically, it’s a large piece of tyre rubber (complete with tracks) on a pretty metal handle. It looks very industrial, something out of a steampunk novel, or perhaps a post-apocalyptic movie. In fact, if Judge Dredd dispatched judicial paddlings, this would be exactly the sort of implement that would be used to deliver them.

A guy who makes these things blogs over on Burning Rubber.

Anyway, we felt like playing last night, but I was too tired to come up with a role-play, so it was going to be a good old just-because paddling with a gigantic chunk of rubber.

My impressions of this beautiful implement? It hurts like nobody’s business. With the first stroke Abel must have intended to imprint tyre tracks on my butt, because he whacked so hard I couldn’t even scream for about three seconds. He didn’t get the tracks, just some redness (as he informed me), so he decided to hit even harder. This time I screamed alright, and also danced about the room, saying nasty things about the paddle, its wielder, its maker, and the postman who’d delivered it. After this Abel lightened up – not by much – and I got the rest of my six swats with just about bearable strength.

Man… it was horrible. The burning feeling afterwards was really nice, though.

Abel spent the rest of the night being quite pensive, and in the end declaired that, perhaps, to get those tyre marks he’d have to get another of these paddles, only smaller.

Do you think this would be a good time to call a spousal veto over how our budget is spent? Or maybe I should bribe the postman?

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* Yes, weeks. What can I say? We’ve been busy.

Jonathan Ross, the prime time (and highly paid) chat show host was interviewing Dita von Teese last night about her new book “Burlesque and the Art of the Teese”. (Nice title).

I’d not seen the young lady before, but was besotted immediately: incredibly sassy, drop-dead gorgeous.

Ross pointed out that there are actually two books in one: one cover being entitled ‘Burlesque’ and the other ‘Fetish’. He opened the book…

Ms von Teese (‘Dita’ seems too familiar…): “I notice that you opened the ‘Fetish’ side”

JR: “I’m an Englishman. I have that kind of taste.”

MvT: “Yes, the English are the most perverted nation on earth. You and the Germans.”

Madam, I can assure you, we are *far* more perverted than the Germans.

I wonder whether Haron will object if I invest some of our scarce pounds in said book before she returns home?!

(Mr. Ross, incidentally, was 28 when he married 17-year-old Jane Goodman. Just thought you might be interested to know).

There’d been a near-caning on the BBC earlier, too. Smith & Jones, the comedians, showed a brief clip of an old sketch: uniformed schoolboy bent over next to Headmaster’s desk. Headmaster flexing cane. “This is going to hurt you more than it will hurt me.” “Yes, Sir.” Headmaster puts cane down, runs forward, and leapfrogs over the boy through a window.

Too surreal for me, but my schoolmaster’s gown is twitching in the wardrobe, waiting for Haron to return home.

Just came across a blog entry called “Investment Spanking”. On a site called “Fishspanking”. Clearly, fish are not what they seem.

Fishspanking is by its nature a risky activity and may result in the loss of all or part of your fish. Certain types of spanking may not be suitable for all, and anyone considering spanking with fish should first contact their nearest IFA (Independent Fishspanking Adviser) who will be able to assist them in selecting the most appropriate type of spanking. NEVER SPANK WITH MORE FISH THAN YOU CAN AFFORD TO LOSE!

Fine. I won’t.

(“And then chop down the mightiest tree in the forest… With this herring!”)

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Fish?