Satirical magazine Private Eye writes this week about Bedgebury School. It notes that governors have just written to parents with “the shock announcement of the imminent closure of this 80-year-old day/boarding girls’ school set in 200 acres of Kentish parkland.”.

The school, with over 300 students, occupies a “six-storey ‘French chateau with Versailles-style gardens”, surrounded by “rolling pastures, lakes and forests”. Its reputation “was founded on its ability to turn less able girls into high achievers.”

Naturally, I’m picturing the lasses that must have been caught ‘out of bounds’ over the years, and their painful consequential punishments. I’m day-dreaming about the upper floors of the mansion full of dormitories, patrolled by strict masters, home to tearful girls lying face down on their beds.

And I’m imaging a world in which one of the current batch of young ladies would earn the dubious distinction of being the very last to be taken into the Head’s office for a caning: the final entry on the final page of a punishment book documenting the shameful history of so many miscreants from the past eight decades.

Actually, I wonder if they did ever use corporal punishment at Bedgebury? I must do some research on “Friends Reunited”, that wonderful resource for the scholarly spanko. And I wonder if the school might dispose of its assets - might I put in an early bid for any canes, or for the dusty leaher-bound punishment books from olden times, or even a few desks?!

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