Today’s Professor Snape’s birthday, and if this means nothing to you, you might as well click over to the next post, because I’m about to go on a Harry Potter geek-out.

It so happens, whenever I think about Snape, he somehow ends up spanking his students. Because he would, wouldn’t he? How could he not? He’d be very strict, sometimes mean, not always fair, but ultimately the punishment would be for their own good. Right? Hogwarts would be much improved if spanking were introduced.

I don’t write fan fiction, but I think that on Snape’s birthday we could do worse than read some classic spanking scenes that some nice people have inserted into their stories for us.

If you have lots of time, you can read The Smallest Slytherin and its sequels, and if you have only a few minutes, then have a read of A Private Lesson.

Happy birthday, Professor.

EDIT: What do you mean, how do I know his birthday is on 9 Jan? J.K. Rowling told me on the phone! OK, fine, I’m lying. Characters’ birthdays show up on JKR’s official website.