Ever been to Hampton Court Palace? It’s one of my favourite places, a palpable sense of history surrounding one’s every step. I was there recently, and hope the young lady in authentic Tudor dress realised quite how much inspiration she provided.
The attendant in Henry VIII’s great hall explained how the décor was designed to intimidate visitors and inspire fear and loyalty. Each tapestry, it seems, is made with so much gold and silver that it weighs a ton; each cost the equivalent of a warship.
In the kitchens, there’s a wonderful model of the palace as a royal banquet takes place. My mind wandered, as it’s oft to do. The king was presiding over the feast; he was in a less than festive mood, having been kept waiting as the more tardy guests arrived. Indeed, there were still two seats empty as the meal began.
Two immaculately-dressed young women – beautiful, head-turning – arrived in the hall, curtsying and heading for their seats. “Come forward,” His Majesty bellowed. “What do you mean by turning up late and keeping me waiting?”
They apologised, profusely: they’d got lost in the gardens, they’d lost track of time, they were so sorry…
“And what do your excuses matter to me? I do not expect to be kept waiting. By any of my subjects.” The King turned to the girls’ father. “I hope that you will punish them for such insolence and disrespect, Baron?”
“Of course, Your Majesty.”
“And I’m sure that you will wish to demonstrate your loyalty to your King, by dealing with the matter with the severity it deserves, Baron?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Then I shall ask the courtiers to set up the flogging block in my private chambers,” glancing across at his own daughters, “where the princesses are punished if they misbehave. I shall come and watch after lunch, to show how seriously you treat such disrespectful behaviour to your monarch.”
“Thank you, your Majesty.”
“You are a good and noble man.” The King turned to the other diners, all listening intently. “A true test of a gentleman’s loyalty, passed with honour. Girls: sit down: you’ve kept us waiting quite long enough. Now, on with our feast….”