Your correspondent is able to report exclusively that floggings are imminent for a queue of girls in school uniforms in London’s Piccadilly.
Staff at the punishment centre were seen moments ago carrying large bundles of freshly-cut birches into the building.
(Haron assures me that the young ladies are awaiting tomorrow’s Harry Potter launch party in the big Waterstone’s branch, and that the implements were broomsticks, but we all know better…..)
I wonder if the Witchfinder-General should be called to attend also to institute floggings to persuade confessions. There were plenty of witches there so far as I could see.